A significant gender gap recently came to my attention, in a rather amusing manner. One last bastion of seperation remains, public restrooms. At some point every little girl figures out that boys can pee standing up, lucky buggers. The first time we come in contact with a urinal, perhaps in a porta potty or one restroom restaurant, we are confused, but it's such an obvious object it gets noticed and explained and the mystery ends before we're old enough to be embarrassed by it.
Girls have some unique objects in their restrooms too, but they're not so obvious, and boys are mystified by them.
My dad builds in retail stores and occasionally brings extra or removed fixtures home because he can't bear to throw them in a dumpster. I love to use commercial fixtures in my home for their aesthetic and practicality. I picked up a little stall mountable garbage can off his workbench a few weeks ago and asked if I could use it in my bathroom at home. He looked at me with the glint in his eye of someone who knows a secret and said,"Do you know what that is?". This should have been my first clue. Of course I know what that is. It's the little garbage can mounted next the toilet in a bathroom stall for disposing of your feminine products.
He granted my request and I took said object home for my master bath. At last, a garbage can that hides beside the toilet and doesn't sit on the floor getting gross and/or rusty!
Usually, I pull out my own battery operated screw driver for these kind of projects. When I'm busy, and do hand them off to my husband, I usually specify exactly where I want things mounted. But this is just a little garbage can. There's only one obvious place for it and an inch or two either direction is not gonna matter, right?
My husband looked at me a little confused when I handed him the box. This should have been my second clue. I asked him to mount this garbage can in the master bathroom and he brightened up like he knew what to do. I should have known that only meant he now knew he was holding some kind of garbage can.
I went back to making dinner, and it wasn't until much later that I went back to the bathroom to discover he had mounted the mystery can up near eye level on the wall next to the medicine cabinet. The obvious place for a garbage can only big enough to put his used q-tips in. It was then that I realized, men don't have little garbage cans in every stall of their bathrooms. He had never seen one of these peculiar little fixtures before. Sure it was cool, but he couldn't imagine what it was for.
He still doesn't understand why I find this so funny, but I'm leaving it up there. By the time I decide I need to escape to the back bathroom, I'm usually in need of a good laugh. It's not his fault. It's mine for assuming. It's a little reminder of how important it is to communicate clearly and not to assume things that are obvious to you are obvious to everyone, especially across the gender gap.
It also makes me wonder what use men would put a little fold down purse shelf to, if they ever came in contact with one.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
You Are Awesome
I've observed over the years that people usually become what those around them tell them they are. Men especially seem to become what the important women in their lives tell them they are.
I love that my husband's mother told him he was capable, honest, and smart, before his character was fully formed. That he could do his own dishes and laundry before he ever had. That he was a good cook when he made his first can of Campbells soup. I love that my daughters tell him he's a great dad and compete to get the first hug when he comes home from work, even though he thought he just wanted to crawl into bed. That he has strong shoulders when they want to be carried. I'm glad that I told him he was gentle, and kind, and hard working, when I could only see the promise of those things in his 21 year old character. He has become all those things and more.
It's so easy to see each other's flaws, but pointing them out doesn't help. It's harder to see the potential for greatness. Look hard, then call it out. Your words are powerful. Tell your husband what you see him becoming. Dont sit around with the gossipers complaining about your man. It's much more fun to tell his exploits. Use "I love it when you..." often in your conversations with him. My husband isn't great at buying gifts, but I'm not going to tell you about his failures. Instead of gifts he now writes love letters for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Jealous yet?
You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them. Try, "you're so much better than what you just did. I know you're going to make that right." Try it with your kids. Tell me how it works out.
I love that my husband's mother told him he was capable, honest, and smart, before his character was fully formed. That he could do his own dishes and laundry before he ever had. That he was a good cook when he made his first can of Campbells soup. I love that my daughters tell him he's a great dad and compete to get the first hug when he comes home from work, even though he thought he just wanted to crawl into bed. That he has strong shoulders when they want to be carried. I'm glad that I told him he was gentle, and kind, and hard working, when I could only see the promise of those things in his 21 year old character. He has become all those things and more.
It's so easy to see each other's flaws, but pointing them out doesn't help. It's harder to see the potential for greatness. Look hard, then call it out. Your words are powerful. Tell your husband what you see him becoming. Dont sit around with the gossipers complaining about your man. It's much more fun to tell his exploits. Use "I love it when you..." often in your conversations with him. My husband isn't great at buying gifts, but I'm not going to tell you about his failures. Instead of gifts he now writes love letters for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Jealous yet?
You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them. Try, "you're so much better than what you just did. I know you're going to make that right." Try it with your kids. Tell me how it works out.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Quick Tip: Garlic Oil
If the thought of spraying pesticides on your kids all summer is as repugnant to you as it is to me, then try this alternative to keep the insects at bay. Once a day garlic oil supplements make you taste bad to the little biters. The effect is cumulative so it may take a few days to be effective. If you start smelling like garlic to everybody, it may be time to back it off to every other day.
Odorless garlic supplements don't seem to be as effective as basic garlic oil. They're not as cheap either. This strategy is particularly effective with mosquitos and fleas, though I haven't seen any bites at all since we started this spring.
The little ones are reluctant to take pills, and I don't force them, but an itchy hide eventually motivates them.
If only there were such an easy, healthy solution to smearing chemical laden sunblock on them.
Odorless garlic supplements don't seem to be as effective as basic garlic oil. They're not as cheap either. This strategy is particularly effective with mosquitos and fleas, though I haven't seen any bites at all since we started this spring.
The little ones are reluctant to take pills, and I don't force them, but an itchy hide eventually motivates them.
If only there were such an easy, healthy solution to smearing chemical laden sunblock on them.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bowling Beauty
Our first foray into the bowling alley was a great success. Two games were plenty, and took the five of us about two hours to play. Playing on a bumper lane was a nice change since I'm still a gutter ball every other time kind of girl. I did manage two strikes but my oldest won with a series of spares, or were they pickups?
I love this freebowlingforkids.com deal. I also just ordered shoes from Amazon.com so I won't have to shell out $18.75, every time we go, on rental shoes.
The girls decided that we would all wear lime green shirts and jeans so we looked like a team, and the five year old amped up the cute factor with a pink sparkly tutu over her jeans. She nearly won the first game. She may not roll hard, but the between the legs roll puts em out pretty straight. She also made whole body expressive reactions to each result. Watching her stand at the end of the lane and tap her foot impatiently while she waited for the ball to hit the pins was half the fun. The seven year old did a running roll reminiscent of Adam Sandler's golf swing, but less effective. The ten year old had the lowest scores but also the fewest hits on the gutter guards, so I assured her she would have won had they not been in place.
Their distinct personalities come through in everything we do. It's mind boggling to me how much of that must be born in them. When you have only one or two children it's easy to think their behavior is a result of your excellent, or inept, parenting. Have a few more kids and you discover it had so much less to do with you than you thought. It will take you down a notch if your first was easy, and encourage you if your first was hard.
Bowling is definitely an activity I would recommend. They did get a little bored near the end because they had to wait so long for each turn. Smaller groups would probably be advisable, or bring a backup activity they can do during the wait. Mad Libs should do nicely, or a sketch book to practice figure drawing for my burgeoning fashion designer.
See you at the lanes!
I love this freebowlingforkids.com deal. I also just ordered shoes from Amazon.com so I won't have to shell out $18.75, every time we go, on rental shoes.
The girls decided that we would all wear lime green shirts and jeans so we looked like a team, and the five year old amped up the cute factor with a pink sparkly tutu over her jeans. She nearly won the first game. She may not roll hard, but the between the legs roll puts em out pretty straight. She also made whole body expressive reactions to each result. Watching her stand at the end of the lane and tap her foot impatiently while she waited for the ball to hit the pins was half the fun. The seven year old did a running roll reminiscent of Adam Sandler's golf swing, but less effective. The ten year old had the lowest scores but also the fewest hits on the gutter guards, so I assured her she would have won had they not been in place.
Their distinct personalities come through in everything we do. It's mind boggling to me how much of that must be born in them. When you have only one or two children it's easy to think their behavior is a result of your excellent, or inept, parenting. Have a few more kids and you discover it had so much less to do with you than you thought. It will take you down a notch if your first was easy, and encourage you if your first was hard.
Bowling is definitely an activity I would recommend. They did get a little bored near the end because they had to wait so long for each turn. Smaller groups would probably be advisable, or bring a backup activity they can do during the wait. Mad Libs should do nicely, or a sketch book to practice figure drawing for my burgeoning fashion designer.
See you at the lanes!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
No Fear
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. - 1 John 4:18
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7
You must always do the thing you are afraid to do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A long time ago I made a rule for myself. The more afraid I feel of doing something, the more I must do it.
A few years into my marriage I had to tell my husband that there wasn't any money in our savings account, as he expected, because we were barely able to pay our bills. I was terrified. He remained calm but left for a walk right away so I knew he was upset. The next hour was incredibly tense for me. As a child I had overheard many arguments between my parents about money. Financial problems are the most commonly cited reason for divorce in America.
When he returned, to my great surprise, he apologized for leaving me to bear the burden of managing our tight finances alone. If I had given in to my fear, and tried to hide the real state of our money, I would have slowly driven a wedge between us. Because I faced my fear I learned that my husband was an even better man than I had imagined, and opened the door to positive change in our relationship.
Time after time, this kind of positive result has come from addressing my areas of fear. Because of this rule I write, I paint, my children are getting what they need in school and having fun adventures with me on their vacations. Because of this rule we bought a house in this appalling market with payments less than our rent. My automatic response to fear has become action.
At a large conference this spring, I had the opportunity for a good conversation with the woman in charge of all the volunteers. I wanted to know how she attained her position. Her answer? She decided to say yes to anything that scared her, for an entire year. It changed her life. She works for herself, is seeing success after success, and is in charge of her own life now.
Do you feel the challenge inherent in this post? How would your life change if you decided to do the things you've been afraid to do? Let's change our response to fear!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7
You must always do the thing you are afraid to do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A long time ago I made a rule for myself. The more afraid I feel of doing something, the more I must do it.
A few years into my marriage I had to tell my husband that there wasn't any money in our savings account, as he expected, because we were barely able to pay our bills. I was terrified. He remained calm but left for a walk right away so I knew he was upset. The next hour was incredibly tense for me. As a child I had overheard many arguments between my parents about money. Financial problems are the most commonly cited reason for divorce in America.
When he returned, to my great surprise, he apologized for leaving me to bear the burden of managing our tight finances alone. If I had given in to my fear, and tried to hide the real state of our money, I would have slowly driven a wedge between us. Because I faced my fear I learned that my husband was an even better man than I had imagined, and opened the door to positive change in our relationship.
Time after time, this kind of positive result has come from addressing my areas of fear. Because of this rule I write, I paint, my children are getting what they need in school and having fun adventures with me on their vacations. Because of this rule we bought a house in this appalling market with payments less than our rent. My automatic response to fear has become action.
At a large conference this spring, I had the opportunity for a good conversation with the woman in charge of all the volunteers. I wanted to know how she attained her position. Her answer? She decided to say yes to anything that scared her, for an entire year. It changed her life. She works for herself, is seeing success after success, and is in charge of her own life now.
Do you feel the challenge inherent in this post? How would your life change if you decided to do the things you've been afraid to do? Let's change our response to fear!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Summer Schedule
School is out, and I know one thing for sure. If I schedule nothing, we will do nothing. It's just the way things are. The bed feels too good, the toys are too handy, and the tv is too engaging. My solution? A full schedule. Sure, we want time off, but I prefer to overload the calendar with things we can do and leave some undone rather than have large blocks of time with nothing to do.
Summer camps look like so much fun. Imagine sending your children off for four hours a day of fun activities run by someone else. Then do this little equation $200 (or more) x 4 kids x 10 weeks of vacation = $8000. Feel free to substitute your own figures. I don't know any stay at home moms with that kind of money. I don't know many working moms who will make that kind of extra money during the same ten weeks. So we do what mothers have done for ages, we get creative.
Start with your local library. Summer reading programs are a great opportunity to get out of the house, meet up with friends, learn something, and keep the kids turning over their reading lists. You can also get CDs and videos at most libraries. Our local library has begun having programs for teens as well. There's no obligation to go to every event, but put the schedule on your calendar so you remember it's an option.
While you're filling out those summer reading lists at the library, make sure you fill out your downloaded copy of the summer Double Dog Dare Challenge from borders.com where reading ten books gets each kid a free book.
You can also get free ride tickets at our County Fair for reading a number of books. Look for activity and contest books from your own local fair to see what's available in your area. We enter as much as we can in the Home Arts Department of our fair to get free entrance tickets, and will spend two days there during its two week run. One day we take a Grandma we adopted and see all the exhibits and animals. The other day we get wristbands for unlimited carnival rides and meet up with cousins and friends for a wild time. Just don't put all the kids in matching red or blue shirts for easy visibility. We discovered our fair has a rule against them to discourage gang activity, as do an increasing number of other venues. Try orange, purple or green. They put the staff in yellow.
This year we're taking up bowling. Sign up at freebowlingforkids.com to get free bowling passes to your local lanes in your email all summer. Shoe rental is not included and we plan to go a lot so I'll be buying shoes. Mondays at ten I've scheduled as a regular time so we get an up and out start to our week. We'll be going one afternoon a week too, so dad can come. With kids ages five to twelve it's an option that all can enjoy.
Vacation Bible School was one of the highlights of my childhood. Many churches offer a week long VBS at no cost. The day camp format gives you a break from the kids and them an opportunity to learn what the Bible is all about through games and crafts. If you have other/no strong religious beliefs of your own, but want to give your kids the opportunity to learn about Christianity, then this is a good way to expose them to a church in a fun, no pressure setting.
Download schedules from your local roller/ice skating rinks, nearby museums, and parks and recreation departments. There are lots of things going on that don't cost a lot or require an extended commitment.
If you have your own pool or a friends' you can use, find a copy of the YMCA's Progressive Swim Instruction book (I found it used on Amazon.com) to follow and schedule regular "lessons" where you take your kids through the steps of learning to swim. This I did a few years ago with two other friends and their kids and not only began to feel a lot better about taking my kids swimming, but got nicely toned myself. Two hours twice a week in a pool is a good workout.
Some larger museums have free days once a month. They're busy, but still a lot of fun. If you go a couple of times a year, a family membership is a worthwhile investment. Not only will your family benefit, but your business keeps these important institutions going. Our nearest big museums in San Francisco define a family as two adults and their children so I shared a membership with my sister-in-law.
Simon malls have a Kidget's Club (google it) where a $5 annual membership gets your child a membership card, t-shirt, bag, monthly prizes, special monthly events, a birthday gift, and balloons every time you go to the mall. My older daughters don't need more motivation to have a good time out shopping, but the under six crowd has a much better time and can be assuaged by the free trinkets in lieu of more expensive purchases. I love the way Winnie slaps her card down on the counter like she's making a big purchase.
We may do less than half the things I've put on the schedule, but we'll never sit around the house for lack of something to do. Since I translate "I'm bored" to "please give me a job" it's the least I can do. Find your fun spots and make memories. Try something new every year. Let me know what your favorite summer activites are!
Summer camps look like so much fun. Imagine sending your children off for four hours a day of fun activities run by someone else. Then do this little equation $200 (or more) x 4 kids x 10 weeks of vacation = $8000. Feel free to substitute your own figures. I don't know any stay at home moms with that kind of money. I don't know many working moms who will make that kind of extra money during the same ten weeks. So we do what mothers have done for ages, we get creative.
Start with your local library. Summer reading programs are a great opportunity to get out of the house, meet up with friends, learn something, and keep the kids turning over their reading lists. You can also get CDs and videos at most libraries. Our local library has begun having programs for teens as well. There's no obligation to go to every event, but put the schedule on your calendar so you remember it's an option.
While you're filling out those summer reading lists at the library, make sure you fill out your downloaded copy of the summer Double Dog Dare Challenge from borders.com where reading ten books gets each kid a free book.
You can also get free ride tickets at our County Fair for reading a number of books. Look for activity and contest books from your own local fair to see what's available in your area. We enter as much as we can in the Home Arts Department of our fair to get free entrance tickets, and will spend two days there during its two week run. One day we take a Grandma we adopted and see all the exhibits and animals. The other day we get wristbands for unlimited carnival rides and meet up with cousins and friends for a wild time. Just don't put all the kids in matching red or blue shirts for easy visibility. We discovered our fair has a rule against them to discourage gang activity, as do an increasing number of other venues. Try orange, purple or green. They put the staff in yellow.
This year we're taking up bowling. Sign up at freebowlingforkids.com to get free bowling passes to your local lanes in your email all summer. Shoe rental is not included and we plan to go a lot so I'll be buying shoes. Mondays at ten I've scheduled as a regular time so we get an up and out start to our week. We'll be going one afternoon a week too, so dad can come. With kids ages five to twelve it's an option that all can enjoy.
Vacation Bible School was one of the highlights of my childhood. Many churches offer a week long VBS at no cost. The day camp format gives you a break from the kids and them an opportunity to learn what the Bible is all about through games and crafts. If you have other/no strong religious beliefs of your own, but want to give your kids the opportunity to learn about Christianity, then this is a good way to expose them to a church in a fun, no pressure setting.
Download schedules from your local roller/ice skating rinks, nearby museums, and parks and recreation departments. There are lots of things going on that don't cost a lot or require an extended commitment.
If you have your own pool or a friends' you can use, find a copy of the YMCA's Progressive Swim Instruction book (I found it used on Amazon.com) to follow and schedule regular "lessons" where you take your kids through the steps of learning to swim. This I did a few years ago with two other friends and their kids and not only began to feel a lot better about taking my kids swimming, but got nicely toned myself. Two hours twice a week in a pool is a good workout.
Some larger museums have free days once a month. They're busy, but still a lot of fun. If you go a couple of times a year, a family membership is a worthwhile investment. Not only will your family benefit, but your business keeps these important institutions going. Our nearest big museums in San Francisco define a family as two adults and their children so I shared a membership with my sister-in-law.
Simon malls have a Kidget's Club (google it) where a $5 annual membership gets your child a membership card, t-shirt, bag, monthly prizes, special monthly events, a birthday gift, and balloons every time you go to the mall. My older daughters don't need more motivation to have a good time out shopping, but the under six crowd has a much better time and can be assuaged by the free trinkets in lieu of more expensive purchases. I love the way Winnie slaps her card down on the counter like she's making a big purchase.
We may do less than half the things I've put on the schedule, but we'll never sit around the house for lack of something to do. Since I translate "I'm bored" to "please give me a job" it's the least I can do. Find your fun spots and make memories. Try something new every year. Let me know what your favorite summer activites are!
Introduction - Read First
I started this blog a year ago under a different name, wondering what I could possibly write about that would be of interest to readers. Not one to dwell on that failure, I'm moving forward today and I know what to write.
There is one passion that drives me. One area of expertise in which I feel confident expressing myself. There is a Proverb that says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." I used to wonder what kind of woman would do that. She must be horrible, easily recognized on sight. In reality, it's not so easy to spot her, and if statistics can be believed, many women are tearing their homes apart with their own hands. I'm not going to dwell on the myriad ways you can destroy your own happiness. They're all too apparent. My passion has always been to build families.
To that end, I will post my inspiration and ideas for you. Please feel free to comment and send your own successful ideas back to me. Any ideas submitted may be reproduced in this blog for the furtherance of its purpose and potentially used in any book resulting from its success. Remember to follow me on Facebook to get your regular dose of encouragement and ideas so you can be the wisest woman on the block.
There is one passion that drives me. One area of expertise in which I feel confident expressing myself. There is a Proverb that says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." I used to wonder what kind of woman would do that. She must be horrible, easily recognized on sight. In reality, it's not so easy to spot her, and if statistics can be believed, many women are tearing their homes apart with their own hands. I'm not going to dwell on the myriad ways you can destroy your own happiness. They're all too apparent. My passion has always been to build families.
To that end, I will post my inspiration and ideas for you. Please feel free to comment and send your own successful ideas back to me. Any ideas submitted may be reproduced in this blog for the furtherance of its purpose and potentially used in any book resulting from its success. Remember to follow me on Facebook to get your regular dose of encouragement and ideas so you can be the wisest woman on the block.
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