Cool Moms

Today my teenagers told me I was a cool mom. Apparently there was some discussion among their peers and they couldn’t relate at all, so they told their friends about me and their friends asked to trade. When I asked what sort of things their friends complained about they told me most of it stemmed from having divorced parents. My divorced friends, I know a lot of stuff happens that you can’t always control and can’t be undone, and you’re doing your best. This isn’t for you. This is for the young parents who are in the midst of the most difficult years of their lives. You have no time and no money and no energy and your kids are sucking the life out of you right now. The last thing you have time for is your marriage. But your strong marriage is the thing that your kids need and want most. This is out of the mouths of teenagers TODAY in 2017. Choose each other every day. Talk to each other. Plan ahead how you’ll deal with the everyday challenges of parenting. Yeah, I sent the kids running to welcome daddy at the front door when they were toddlers because it was 60 seconds they weren’t clinging to me, and it made his day, but mostly because of the clinging. Do what you need to do creatively to share the load. You’ll get through this. It gets easier. The more you face it together the more you’ll have in common when it’s all over. One of the strongest bonds of all is shared trauma! Parenting together definitely qualifies. I didn’t set out to be a cool mom. I’m strict and I’m on every PTA showing up in their lives all over the place. I just wanted to be a good mom. Turns out that’s pretty cool. (They couldn’t leave it at that though. They added, “dad’s even cooler,” and something about classic rock and his taste in movies. What-ever!)

Social Media Envy

It’s interesting to me that some people see social media as problematic because of the unrealistic view it gives us of each other’s lives. Of course we all post the good stuff that happens and avoid posting the bad, but who is really under the delusion that all the other people they know have perfectly wonderful lives? 

Maybe I enjoy rejoicing with those who rejoice on social media because I assume that every positive post is a victory over something difficult. When I post something wonderful it’s generally because I’ve overcome something to get to it. For instance: I’m having fun taking my family to a theme park, after years of struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Also, I’m getting ready to publish a poetry book. It’s beautiful and I love everything in it...and I’m quaking inside for fear I’m making a fool of myself thinking my poetry is worth publishing. See how it works. The positive posts aren’t the whole picture, so when you start feeling jealous remember that every good thing came at a price. Often, we’re posting to remind ourselves of the good things we have because we struggle with insecurities too. 

If it looks like someone is living the kind of life you want to live, start working toward it. Be inspired. Don’t buy the lie our brains like to tell that we have it harder than everyone else, or we could never live like they do. We all have it hard in different ways. We’re all working to do better every single day. Rejoice with those who rejoice because your time will come too. See their posts as evidence of overcoming.

Welcome 2018

I keep this blog primarily as a personal website for my work as an author, but don't think of myself as a blogger. That probably explains why I'm discovering today that I haven't posted a single blog in 2017. The good news is, I've written a great deal in the interim and will have a new poetry book out in February. Follow my blog by email and you'll get updated when that happens. I'm also heading to the San Francisco Writers Conference over Presidents Day weekend and I urge any fellow writers to check it out at sfwriters.org. Opportunities abound, either as an attendee, at one of the extra classes available to non-attendees, or at free events open to the public.

It's been a difficult year for me working hard to recover my home and my life from the ravages of depression. In August of 2016, around the time of my last post, I had a parathyroidectomy to remove a hyperactive parathyroid gland that was responsible for a whole host of symptoms that ultimately had me contemplating which cliff to drive off. I am fortunate in that my depression had a clear cause and a ready cure. But it took time to restore the damage it caused. My family and my home are in reasonably good shape now and I am beginning to feel ambitious for my writing and motivated to change the world again. I hope you'll enjoy the fruit of my renewed productivity.

Many blessings to you in the new year!