My heaters went out this week. All of them. Two wall heaters and the water heater. It made me realize how much I've grown up. I didn't call my dad to come help. He's too far away now. I managed to keep calm and call for repairs without getting emotional over the phone. I remembered that I know how to boil water on a stove for baths and that laundry doesn't have to be done with warm water. It was a conscious decision to let the dishes pile up and wait for hot water again. I do have some disposables to keep it under control. I am a grown up. Funny the things that make you realize it all over again.
It doesn't make it easier. The stress drove me out of the house yesterday. Sitting at home waiting for a phone call from the repair company is not my strong suit. Thanks to cell phones I don't have to. The emotional slump that hits with this kind of setback is real, and must be counteracted with Christmas music and baking. A particularly good idea since I'm heating the house with the oven right now anyway.
In the big picture this is good. Unsafe appliances are being fixed and most of the cost is still covered by our new home warranty. It would be a bummer to have our first year go by uneventfully and think we didn't need that warranty any longer, only to have a bad second year. Life is like that. Bad things can sometimes be good, and good things can feel like a major bummer.
Fortunately it will all be over within a week. Which only leads me to ponder, how blessed am I?!? I don't live in some dreadful part of the country where pipes freeze. I'm not dependent on a well anymore, so I don't have to worry about the pump going out and having no water at all. I have family close if I really needed to go somewhere to take a shower. I have electricity if I wanted to try bringing in a space heater. I'm stressing over the added strain to our budget as usual around the holidays, but I'm still richer than 99% of the global population. How odd those protesters are on Wall Street, railing against themselves. Okay, I'm feeling better now. I'm still gonna bake though, because my caramel corn is awesome!
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
High School Dating Drama
Recently, I was consulting with a friend whose teenage daughter is in the throes of relationship drama. Today's teenagers face a veritable minefield of technological traps we never envisioned, in addition to the young relationship classics. The mom felt trapped in the role of police officer. The daughter responded to her authoritarian regime as every teenager does...with ill concealed rebellion.
The best trick in parenting is to take the emphasis off the conflict and redirect your energy into a positive course of action you can pursue together. To that end I took a page from my days as a presenter for an abstinence based sex education program for teens. We found that the most effective part of our program was what we called "Goal Setting for Relationships."
Today's young people are encouraged to set all kinds of life goals. The majority of them relate to career and future financial stability. Bucket lists have also become popular. But they are seldom encouraged to set goals for their relationships. Without that long term outlook, they take relationships as they come and fall into every trap in their way. So, we encourage them to set goals for their future relationships.
If you want to be married someday, and maybe raise a family, that should affect your present behavior. If you think of your future spouse as a person who is already out there, living life on a course to meet and marry you, you might consider how your current choices affects this person. Sexually transmitted diseases are a bummer to have, and a bigger bummer to have to tell the person you love and want to spend your life with about. Every relationship you have leaves it's emotional mark on you. What kind of marks will you be carrying into your marriage?
Heavy huh?
How about, what kind of person do you want to spend your life with? When you begin to list the things you want in a partner, you may begin to see how the current crop of available mates don't measure up. You may even begin to see how you don't measure up. You deserve the best, and you can be the kind of person the best deserve, if you start now. When you find the one who does meet your heart's desire in a mate, you'll recognize them because you have taken time to know yourself and what you value in others.
Feelings cannot be trusted. You are biologically wired to procreate with any virile partner. You are also biologically wired to go through periods where all those emotions collapse and leave you with a partner who may or may not be what you thought when looking through hormone colored glasses. Let reason rule over emotion, and emotion will follow where reason leads. It will be easy to fall in love with a partner who respects and honors you. Be liberal with your friendship, but careful with your life partner.
I'm not talking one thing and living another here. I had the benefit of three teenage siblings when I was little. At the age of five, I observed their relationship drama and began to think of my own future mate. I began praying for him. I asked God for a husband with green eyes, blonde hair, and, since I didn't know how tall I would be, that he would be 4-6 inches taller than me so I could wear high heels but didn't have to. You can imagine what my siblings had been discussing to make me think on these points.
Throughout my childhood and teenage years I prayed for my husband. My ideals became more meaningful and better developed. I thought about him when I had a crush on some boy or other and checked my behavior. I wondered who he was and if I knew him already. My lack of interest in relationship games set me apart from other girls, but allowed me to have frank open friendships with a lot of really decent guys. Friendships that helped me to understand what men need and how they communicate, making me more fit to live with a man as his wife someday.
When I was sixteenish, my older brother's friend got a job in the young men's department at JCPenney. He cut and washed his long greasy hair, could afford new clothes and glasses without tape over the bridge of the nose. I realized he had blonde hair, green eyes, and was four to six inches taller than me. This surprised me. I had known him since I was thirteen, and he had known me as the annoying little sister of his friend.
He told me later that his girlfriend had actually expressed jealousy over me, as he considered me a girl of excellent wifely potential...for some unknown future guy of course. He always kept a list of girls with that kind of potential. Girls who deserved respect and ought to be looked after. He put a similar degree of thought into his relationships as I did. He was always friends with the prettiest sweetest girls, but they never saw him as boyfriend material. He had nice guy syndrome really bad. Mothers loved him, but the girls were looking for more excitement.
I bring myself more excitement than I need. A steady reliable man who is happy to let me soar and look out for me when I start to crash is just what I needed. As a teenager I had severe emotional meltdowns every three months or so. When I started hanging out with him, those meltdowns ceased.
When my brother went overseas for a year we became close friends in our own right. When his girlfriend dumped him I volunteered to go with him to return the engagement ring he had on layaway. A few months later we were spending all our time together and rumors were flying so we decided we might as well give actually dating a try. Within a month of that, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. The knowing was mutual. I was too young. A year and a half lay between me and legal adulthood. My parents couldn't outright reject him, as he had been accepted so long for my brothers sake, but they weren't particularly happy with him for me. It was not easy to wait so long to get married and we didn't always make good decisions, but we never doubted our choice.
I married my first boyfriend when I was nineteen years old. We have four children and fifteen years to our credit. I have never regretted it, never wished for my freedom. We are more together than the sum of our parts. I have succeeded in meeting most of the relationship goals I set for myself. The only one left requires time, but I fully expect to enjoy our fiftieth anniversary. We have experienced more than our share of life's challenges, but met them together and been strengthened by them. The depths of intimacy we have experienced are not achievable outside of the kind of relationship we have. They require time, fidelity, trust, openness, kindness, endurance, decisiveness, and decidedness. A solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness, and yes, really really good sex.
Doubt, insecurity, relationship baggage, and self-centeredness are poison to intimacy. A foundation easily laid in thoughtlessness for a house that will not withstand the realities of life. The realities responsible for the 50% divorce rate that has stood for two generations. For this generation, raised in broken homes, avoiding that statistic is vitally important, but they have no idea how to do it. It starts now, in high school, through college, into a future with hope for happiness in relationships that last.
For parents who are desperate to see their kids avoid the traps they got caught in, helping them look beyond what's happening right now, to a future where they have the relationship they want to last a lifetime, may be the answer. Talking about their future partner as a real person they just haven't met yet isn't creepy. It's reality.
The ones that give them attention for being "hot" or having developed breasts or abs before their peers, are just disqualifying themselves from consideration as a future life partner. The ones that want sexy photos, to share their porn, get high, or party all the time, are also quickly disqualified. It's amazing how easy it is to eliminate the kind of people that will only bring them pain when they're thinking about the one that will make them deliriously happy.
So take a deep breath, and try a new tack. You want the same thing! You want healthy long term relationships that add to your lives instead of detract from them. Now you know how to go after it.
The best trick in parenting is to take the emphasis off the conflict and redirect your energy into a positive course of action you can pursue together. To that end I took a page from my days as a presenter for an abstinence based sex education program for teens. We found that the most effective part of our program was what we called "Goal Setting for Relationships."
Today's young people are encouraged to set all kinds of life goals. The majority of them relate to career and future financial stability. Bucket lists have also become popular. But they are seldom encouraged to set goals for their relationships. Without that long term outlook, they take relationships as they come and fall into every trap in their way. So, we encourage them to set goals for their future relationships.
If you want to be married someday, and maybe raise a family, that should affect your present behavior. If you think of your future spouse as a person who is already out there, living life on a course to meet and marry you, you might consider how your current choices affects this person. Sexually transmitted diseases are a bummer to have, and a bigger bummer to have to tell the person you love and want to spend your life with about. Every relationship you have leaves it's emotional mark on you. What kind of marks will you be carrying into your marriage?
Heavy huh?
How about, what kind of person do you want to spend your life with? When you begin to list the things you want in a partner, you may begin to see how the current crop of available mates don't measure up. You may even begin to see how you don't measure up. You deserve the best, and you can be the kind of person the best deserve, if you start now. When you find the one who does meet your heart's desire in a mate, you'll recognize them because you have taken time to know yourself and what you value in others.
Feelings cannot be trusted. You are biologically wired to procreate with any virile partner. You are also biologically wired to go through periods where all those emotions collapse and leave you with a partner who may or may not be what you thought when looking through hormone colored glasses. Let reason rule over emotion, and emotion will follow where reason leads. It will be easy to fall in love with a partner who respects and honors you. Be liberal with your friendship, but careful with your life partner.
I'm not talking one thing and living another here. I had the benefit of three teenage siblings when I was little. At the age of five, I observed their relationship drama and began to think of my own future mate. I began praying for him. I asked God for a husband with green eyes, blonde hair, and, since I didn't know how tall I would be, that he would be 4-6 inches taller than me so I could wear high heels but didn't have to. You can imagine what my siblings had been discussing to make me think on these points.
Throughout my childhood and teenage years I prayed for my husband. My ideals became more meaningful and better developed. I thought about him when I had a crush on some boy or other and checked my behavior. I wondered who he was and if I knew him already. My lack of interest in relationship games set me apart from other girls, but allowed me to have frank open friendships with a lot of really decent guys. Friendships that helped me to understand what men need and how they communicate, making me more fit to live with a man as his wife someday.
When I was sixteenish, my older brother's friend got a job in the young men's department at JCPenney. He cut and washed his long greasy hair, could afford new clothes and glasses without tape over the bridge of the nose. I realized he had blonde hair, green eyes, and was four to six inches taller than me. This surprised me. I had known him since I was thirteen, and he had known me as the annoying little sister of his friend.
He told me later that his girlfriend had actually expressed jealousy over me, as he considered me a girl of excellent wifely potential...for some unknown future guy of course. He always kept a list of girls with that kind of potential. Girls who deserved respect and ought to be looked after. He put a similar degree of thought into his relationships as I did. He was always friends with the prettiest sweetest girls, but they never saw him as boyfriend material. He had nice guy syndrome really bad. Mothers loved him, but the girls were looking for more excitement.
I bring myself more excitement than I need. A steady reliable man who is happy to let me soar and look out for me when I start to crash is just what I needed. As a teenager I had severe emotional meltdowns every three months or so. When I started hanging out with him, those meltdowns ceased.
When my brother went overseas for a year we became close friends in our own right. When his girlfriend dumped him I volunteered to go with him to return the engagement ring he had on layaway. A few months later we were spending all our time together and rumors were flying so we decided we might as well give actually dating a try. Within a month of that, I knew he was the man I wanted to marry. The knowing was mutual. I was too young. A year and a half lay between me and legal adulthood. My parents couldn't outright reject him, as he had been accepted so long for my brothers sake, but they weren't particularly happy with him for me. It was not easy to wait so long to get married and we didn't always make good decisions, but we never doubted our choice.
I married my first boyfriend when I was nineteen years old. We have four children and fifteen years to our credit. I have never regretted it, never wished for my freedom. We are more together than the sum of our parts. I have succeeded in meeting most of the relationship goals I set for myself. The only one left requires time, but I fully expect to enjoy our fiftieth anniversary. We have experienced more than our share of life's challenges, but met them together and been strengthened by them. The depths of intimacy we have experienced are not achievable outside of the kind of relationship we have. They require time, fidelity, trust, openness, kindness, endurance, decisiveness, and decidedness. A solid foundation for a lifetime of happiness, and yes, really really good sex.
Doubt, insecurity, relationship baggage, and self-centeredness are poison to intimacy. A foundation easily laid in thoughtlessness for a house that will not withstand the realities of life. The realities responsible for the 50% divorce rate that has stood for two generations. For this generation, raised in broken homes, avoiding that statistic is vitally important, but they have no idea how to do it. It starts now, in high school, through college, into a future with hope for happiness in relationships that last.
For parents who are desperate to see their kids avoid the traps they got caught in, helping them look beyond what's happening right now, to a future where they have the relationship they want to last a lifetime, may be the answer. Talking about their future partner as a real person they just haven't met yet isn't creepy. It's reality.
The ones that give them attention for being "hot" or having developed breasts or abs before their peers, are just disqualifying themselves from consideration as a future life partner. The ones that want sexy photos, to share their porn, get high, or party all the time, are also quickly disqualified. It's amazing how easy it is to eliminate the kind of people that will only bring them pain when they're thinking about the one that will make them deliriously happy.
So take a deep breath, and try a new tack. You want the same thing! You want healthy long term relationships that add to your lives instead of detract from them. Now you know how to go after it.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
A Good Enough Reason for a Gap in Any Blog
I have always seen a great similarity in the turn of our minds. We are each of an unsocial, taciturn disposition, unwilling to speak, unless we expect to say something that will amaze the whole room, and be handed down to posterity with all the eclat of a proverb.
- Pride and Prejudice
- Pride and Prejudice
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
The Other Side of Insanity
School is in session, and the mini me minions are all off on another year's adventure in education. What are moms doing?
Homeschooling! That's right. I'm homeschooling the one child who did not get into the charter school with her sisters.
Resetting meal habits. The school year requires far more structured meal times. Planning ahead is no longer optional. Packable lunch food takes up a second fridge right outside the back door.
Standing in line at the DMV. In order to drive carloads of school kids on field trips you must complete a large packet of forms, increase your insurance coverage, and provide a DMV printout.
Getting fingerprinted at the county office of education and TB tests so we can volunteer at our kids schools.
Signing up to volunteer. Every school is different. Ours requires 20 hours per family, or a donation of $10 for every hour short you are. They can't enforce it legally, and it's not technically the school asking, it's the parent boosters, but you don't want to be a bad parent do you? I'm sure I'll put in far more than twenty. As a stay at home mom I have more time than money, so that's what I'm happy to contribute. It also gives me the opportunity to be on campus a lot so I know what's going on in my kids' lives.
Opening up lines of communication. The many teacher blogs where I can go to find homework status must all be located and bookmarked. New teacher emails and phone numbers must be added to my contacts. School email must be subscribed to. First of year forms must be returned signed. The school calendar merged with my online calendar. The homeschool calendar merged with both. Extracurricular classes signed up for. Materials lists acquired.
Shopping for specialty materials required by teachers who all have different ideas of how to keep a desk and backpack organized. Emergency kit supplies to pack into ziploc bags. Don't forget the odd sized sketch book the art teacher wants them to have that no art store has in stock.
Signing up for league sports. $10/kid/week for bowling league + $28 each for Youth Bowling Association membership. Thankfully, we already purchased shoes and balls this summer. We embrace our geekness, but I wonder how the costs compare to baseball or basketball.
Fundraising, because California schools have seen their budgets cut by 27% in the last six years. Art supplies, band, drama, field trips, bus rides, foreign languages, community building; all things that now must be funded by parent booster groups.
Cleaning the house and setting it in order for winter. Because all the toys left out in the yard are not waterproof. Because we know it won't be long before all the energy once expended out there will soon be trapped indoors...with us...for days on end!
Breathing...slowly...deeply...again...and again...and again. Just be because we finally can.
Homeschooling! That's right. I'm homeschooling the one child who did not get into the charter school with her sisters.
Resetting meal habits. The school year requires far more structured meal times. Planning ahead is no longer optional. Packable lunch food takes up a second fridge right outside the back door.
Standing in line at the DMV. In order to drive carloads of school kids on field trips you must complete a large packet of forms, increase your insurance coverage, and provide a DMV printout.
Getting fingerprinted at the county office of education and TB tests so we can volunteer at our kids schools.
Signing up to volunteer. Every school is different. Ours requires 20 hours per family, or a donation of $10 for every hour short you are. They can't enforce it legally, and it's not technically the school asking, it's the parent boosters, but you don't want to be a bad parent do you? I'm sure I'll put in far more than twenty. As a stay at home mom I have more time than money, so that's what I'm happy to contribute. It also gives me the opportunity to be on campus a lot so I know what's going on in my kids' lives.
Opening up lines of communication. The many teacher blogs where I can go to find homework status must all be located and bookmarked. New teacher emails and phone numbers must be added to my contacts. School email must be subscribed to. First of year forms must be returned signed. The school calendar merged with my online calendar. The homeschool calendar merged with both. Extracurricular classes signed up for. Materials lists acquired.
Shopping for specialty materials required by teachers who all have different ideas of how to keep a desk and backpack organized. Emergency kit supplies to pack into ziploc bags. Don't forget the odd sized sketch book the art teacher wants them to have that no art store has in stock.
Signing up for league sports. $10/kid/week for bowling league + $28 each for Youth Bowling Association membership. Thankfully, we already purchased shoes and balls this summer. We embrace our geekness, but I wonder how the costs compare to baseball or basketball.
Fundraising, because California schools have seen their budgets cut by 27% in the last six years. Art supplies, band, drama, field trips, bus rides, foreign languages, community building; all things that now must be funded by parent booster groups.
Cleaning the house and setting it in order for winter. Because all the toys left out in the yard are not waterproof. Because we know it won't be long before all the energy once expended out there will soon be trapped indoors...with us...for days on end!
Breathing...slowly...deeply...again...and again...and again. Just be because we finally can.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Back to School
Summer is kicking my butt! One week left until school starts and the usual chaos has ensued. All four of my daughters are starting new schools. Three in the same charter school and the fourth will be home schooled for up to a year or until there's another opening in the charter. We have back packs loaded with new school supplies. I spent an afternoon writing their names on every pencil and crayon.
Ride day at the fair is tomorrow and I'm doing laundry all day trying to get five matching green shirts clean. I've also begun what will likely be six weeks worth of canning, with an experimental batch of no added pectin blackberry jam. I will not post recipes. There are plenty online already, and I'm no home economist. My canned goods got 2nd place at best in the fair competition.
Yesterday was the Califonia Fourteenth District PTA training. I got to learn how wrong we have been running our local PTA in the absence of adequate willing trained officers. Wish I had gone last year. Now I just need to redo my financial reports and try to assemble the minutes from all our meetings. I promised to carry on at my kids old school until last years issues are resolved.
Then it's just a bunch of dental appointments, registering for fall junior bowling leagues, getting homeschool set up, and grocery shopping for the next month or so. Our kitchen stock changes when school starts. Less milk, more portable snacks. I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting, but that's what online calendar syncing is for. It's a wonderful tool for moms.
A week ago I interviewed for a part time job, and it went well, but I didn't get it. I want that job, and I'm going to apply again. But I can't help being a little glad I don't have it yet. Mothering is still full-time for me. And there are always plenty of volunteer opportunities for getting out of the house.
I thought I would be childless this school year, with my youngest starting kindergarten. I'm kind of glad I'll be keeping the second grader home. It's time to reconnect with my sweet middle child. She's easy to work with and I'll still get a lot more done than with the baby home.
Life is insane sometimes, but one day at a time and an Elastigirl like measure of flexibility helps a mom get through it. Good luck with your back to school season. Try not to look at the whole to do list at once and you'll be fine. Breathe...again...see you on the other side!
Ride day at the fair is tomorrow and I'm doing laundry all day trying to get five matching green shirts clean. I've also begun what will likely be six weeks worth of canning, with an experimental batch of no added pectin blackberry jam. I will not post recipes. There are plenty online already, and I'm no home economist. My canned goods got 2nd place at best in the fair competition.
Yesterday was the Califonia Fourteenth District PTA training. I got to learn how wrong we have been running our local PTA in the absence of adequate willing trained officers. Wish I had gone last year. Now I just need to redo my financial reports and try to assemble the minutes from all our meetings. I promised to carry on at my kids old school until last years issues are resolved.
Then it's just a bunch of dental appointments, registering for fall junior bowling leagues, getting homeschool set up, and grocery shopping for the next month or so. Our kitchen stock changes when school starts. Less milk, more portable snacks. I'm sure there's something I'm forgetting, but that's what online calendar syncing is for. It's a wonderful tool for moms.
A week ago I interviewed for a part time job, and it went well, but I didn't get it. I want that job, and I'm going to apply again. But I can't help being a little glad I don't have it yet. Mothering is still full-time for me. And there are always plenty of volunteer opportunities for getting out of the house.
I thought I would be childless this school year, with my youngest starting kindergarten. I'm kind of glad I'll be keeping the second grader home. It's time to reconnect with my sweet middle child. She's easy to work with and I'll still get a lot more done than with the baby home.
Life is insane sometimes, but one day at a time and an Elastigirl like measure of flexibility helps a mom get through it. Good luck with your back to school season. Try not to look at the whole to do list at once and you'll be fine. Breathe...again...see you on the other side!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Seasons of Growth
The more things that are happening in my life, the more reluctant I am to write about them. There's so much potential in the air right now! While I would in no way wish to trivialize the painful circumstances so many have faced during the current recession, our reality has been a season of growth and opportunity. Patience, economizing, and hard work are always a good policy. They are persistently successful, in good times and bad.
It's been so hard to learn to be patient financially. When you leave home, you think you'll be enjoying the lifestyle you were accustomed to in your parents' house in no time at all. But how old were they when they reached that point of fiscal comfort? How many years did they rely on the help of others? Did you watch them lose everything again? Do you know anyone who bought a home without any help from family, through cosigning, loans, or inheritance? Do you remember years that you lived without insurance? Times when groceries showed up on the front porch and your mother breathed a prayer of thanks?
My children will not remember the earliest hardships. The youngest will have only vague memories of living in a rented house. They have no idea how much help we received from family. They know only full bellies and warm beds, iPads and bicycles, bowling leagues and music lessons, throwing out clothes because they don't like them anymore with no concern for where more will come from.
I wonder how they will adjust when they leave home. I often consider what the best ways to help them will be. Then I remember how silly it is to worry. Some of the best years of our lives have been the ones in which we struggled. The adventures we've had and the people we've become have been shaped by the hard years. They allow us to appreciate this season of potential in a deeper way. They allow us to live in contentment, even as we press on toward the big dreams. The ones we couldn't see a way to in the beginning, but dreamed nonetheless.
How good life is!
It's been so hard to learn to be patient financially. When you leave home, you think you'll be enjoying the lifestyle you were accustomed to in your parents' house in no time at all. But how old were they when they reached that point of fiscal comfort? How many years did they rely on the help of others? Did you watch them lose everything again? Do you know anyone who bought a home without any help from family, through cosigning, loans, or inheritance? Do you remember years that you lived without insurance? Times when groceries showed up on the front porch and your mother breathed a prayer of thanks?
My children will not remember the earliest hardships. The youngest will have only vague memories of living in a rented house. They have no idea how much help we received from family. They know only full bellies and warm beds, iPads and bicycles, bowling leagues and music lessons, throwing out clothes because they don't like them anymore with no concern for where more will come from.
I wonder how they will adjust when they leave home. I often consider what the best ways to help them will be. Then I remember how silly it is to worry. Some of the best years of our lives have been the ones in which we struggled. The adventures we've had and the people we've become have been shaped by the hard years. They allow us to appreciate this season of potential in a deeper way. They allow us to live in contentment, even as we press on toward the big dreams. The ones we couldn't see a way to in the beginning, but dreamed nonetheless.
How good life is!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Things That Happen When Mom Gets Sick
48 loads of laundry pile up (no exaggeration) and the laudromat takes their $100 in exchange for digging you out.
The Yard Sale she had all set up and advertised on Craigslist becomes self-service on the honor system and the stuff sits out on the front lawn for more than a week. Interestingly, more money was made than during a dutifully supervised Saturday event.
The kids re-watch all three seasons of the animated series "Avatar: The Last Airbender" which she had previously deleted from the Netflix Queue when she discovered they could quote the entire series verbatim and the four year old started running around with big arrows drawn all over her head and down her arms and asking if she could shave her head.
Clean dishes get put away in all kinds of interesting places and dirty dishes pile up until there's no counter space left. Dad moves to cooking on the camp stove outdoors rather than attempt to dig out the kitchen.
Children subsist on cereal, peanut better and jelly sandwiches, sliced salami, tangerines, fruit snacks, and frozen Gogurts. A month's supply of Popsicles disappears and they all forget how to count to one, as in one (1) soda per day max. (It is summer after all.)
Baths are forgotten and the children eventually begin to compare the trails of earwax oozing out of their ears.
Her blog gets abandoned for a while and when she comes back to it, she's still so off kilter she just posts a little ditty she wrote a while ago and hopes her readers enjoy it.
It's good to finally be well!
The Yard Sale she had all set up and advertised on Craigslist becomes self-service on the honor system and the stuff sits out on the front lawn for more than a week. Interestingly, more money was made than during a dutifully supervised Saturday event.
The kids re-watch all three seasons of the animated series "Avatar: The Last Airbender" which she had previously deleted from the Netflix Queue when she discovered they could quote the entire series verbatim and the four year old started running around with big arrows drawn all over her head and down her arms and asking if she could shave her head.
Clean dishes get put away in all kinds of interesting places and dirty dishes pile up until there's no counter space left. Dad moves to cooking on the camp stove outdoors rather than attempt to dig out the kitchen.
Children subsist on cereal, peanut better and jelly sandwiches, sliced salami, tangerines, fruit snacks, and frozen Gogurts. A month's supply of Popsicles disappears and they all forget how to count to one, as in one (1) soda per day max. (It is summer after all.)
Baths are forgotten and the children eventually begin to compare the trails of earwax oozing out of their ears.
Her blog gets abandoned for a while and when she comes back to it, she's still so off kilter she just posts a little ditty she wrote a while ago and hopes her readers enjoy it.
It's good to finally be well!
Sunday, July 17, 2011
All's Fair
The days leading up to the drop off deadline for Fair entries are always chaotic. One child hasn't finished their entry, and won't. Another is getting hers done, but not doing them well. The youngest isn't old enough to enter her projects so she's getting into all the supplies trying to put together something that will make me change my mind, as if I had the power to do so. The last has painted a beautiful acrylic but doesn't want to enter that one, she wants to enter the big ugly one she just did. Yes, it really is ugly. Mother's aren't blind.
In a few weeks we'll pick up our adopted Grandma Joanie, and maybe Grandma Karen too, and all go to the opening day of the Fair to see how our entires did. The tickets are free because we took the time to enter our crafts. Then we'll wander through the flower show, animal pavilions, kids game and craft areas, petting zoo, etc. We'll go for a hayride pulled by draft horses. The ice cream will be provided courtesy of Clover Stornetta. We'll watch cows being milked as we eat it. Dinner will be complete junk and we'll all go home tired and happy.
About a week later we'll meet back at the fair with my sister in law and the majority of our cousins for ride day. Everyone will wear matching shirts that are NOT blue or red. Yes, they almost didn't let us in one year because of our shirts, in case we were some kind of weird toddler gang. We'll get our unlimited ride wristbands, split the group by who's tall enough for the big kid rides, and see how many we can go on without puking. At some point we'll break for potty and more free ice cream. We'll catch a magic act, or water dogs. Maybe we'll catch a contest, like the year we competed for the most gawdawful scream, or Harry Potter Trivia Master! At the end of a long day, we'll meet up with Daddy for dinner and dancing by the bandstand.
Year after year, memory after memory, we build up our family history and traditions. We change what didn't work, and try some things new. Our experiences are the same, but completely varied. Our approaches to life are as different as our approaches to crafting our exhibit entries.
One lags behind, but sees things others don't. One tries to do everything and gets a wide variety of experiences, but doesn't waste time going really deep into any of them. One sees the same things in the opposite way as everyone else and discerns beauty where we see only ugly. One works harder than all the others because she's certain she's not too little, and she squeezes more life out of life than anyone I know. Because we are together, we get to share each others insights. We get to experience the world more fully, because we can talk about our various perspectives.
This is why one child was not enough for me. Why I'm so glad I kept going until my house and heart were full. I'm not saying four is the perfect number. I'm just saying children are a blessing. Don't let fear limit your family. And going to the Fair is LOTS more fun with kids than it was as a teenager or childless adult.
In a few weeks we'll pick up our adopted Grandma Joanie, and maybe Grandma Karen too, and all go to the opening day of the Fair to see how our entires did. The tickets are free because we took the time to enter our crafts. Then we'll wander through the flower show, animal pavilions, kids game and craft areas, petting zoo, etc. We'll go for a hayride pulled by draft horses. The ice cream will be provided courtesy of Clover Stornetta. We'll watch cows being milked as we eat it. Dinner will be complete junk and we'll all go home tired and happy.
About a week later we'll meet back at the fair with my sister in law and the majority of our cousins for ride day. Everyone will wear matching shirts that are NOT blue or red. Yes, they almost didn't let us in one year because of our shirts, in case we were some kind of weird toddler gang. We'll get our unlimited ride wristbands, split the group by who's tall enough for the big kid rides, and see how many we can go on without puking. At some point we'll break for potty and more free ice cream. We'll catch a magic act, or water dogs. Maybe we'll catch a contest, like the year we competed for the most gawdawful scream, or Harry Potter Trivia Master! At the end of a long day, we'll meet up with Daddy for dinner and dancing by the bandstand.
Year after year, memory after memory, we build up our family history and traditions. We change what didn't work, and try some things new. Our experiences are the same, but completely varied. Our approaches to life are as different as our approaches to crafting our exhibit entries.
One lags behind, but sees things others don't. One tries to do everything and gets a wide variety of experiences, but doesn't waste time going really deep into any of them. One sees the same things in the opposite way as everyone else and discerns beauty where we see only ugly. One works harder than all the others because she's certain she's not too little, and she squeezes more life out of life than anyone I know. Because we are together, we get to share each others insights. We get to experience the world more fully, because we can talk about our various perspectives.
This is why one child was not enough for me. Why I'm so glad I kept going until my house and heart were full. I'm not saying four is the perfect number. I'm just saying children are a blessing. Don't let fear limit your family. And going to the Fair is LOTS more fun with kids than it was as a teenager or childless adult.
Friday, July 15, 2011
The Boy Who Lived
If you noticed the big gap in postings, I apologize. This topic took more than the usual consideration, because I want to communicate clearly. I grew up in a tightly controlled church environment, but my parents taught all of their children how to think, rather than the usual what to think.
When the Harry Potter books first started making headlines and the the Christian media immediately condemned them, I knew they warranted closer examination. I have heard all manner of arguments for and against the series. Everyone is convinced they know for certain some detail about the author, or whatever, that proves the books are evil.
In the beginning I wasn't interested in reading them. They're children's books! I couldn't get past the first chapter of the first Narnia book, which I consider to be a similar genre. They couldn't possibly be interesting to me.
I have children, and I have to consider them. They are going to grow up in a culture where everything about this series is common knowledge. The myriad ways in which it has impacted our popular culture are almost without precedent. If I tell them not to read the books, what can I suppose they'll do the moment they're out of my control? Can I really trust a televangelist who spouts fear from the pulpit? I know that fear is not from God, so messages that bring fear are NOT from God. So I decided to be responsible and try to read the books myself.
Amazingly, I was absorbed in them almost immediately. Since I do have a keen academic interest in fairy tales and mythologies, I found the clever mixing from so many sources humorous and imaginative. Nothing in the series resembled modern witchcraft, Wicca, occult or satanism practices or beliefs. Most astonishingly, I immediately recognized the biblical parallels. I told my husband when we finished the first book that Harry would have to die at the end and come back, because he was a type of Christ. The last three books weren't even out yet. I also told him Ron only has a little sister because Harry needs a way to become part of this family for real someday, and that Ron would probably end up with Hermione because Harry and Hermione would be too obvious. Marrying my big brother's best friend probably gave me a little insight into how that goes. The last book was a pleasure to read, but not a surprise.
In the meantime, we decided to let our kids watch the movies and read the books with us. That way we could discuss any questions that arose and explain anything they didn't understand. I felt it far wiser to expose them while still in the safety of our home, than force them to wait until they're gone, making them uncomfortable discussing the subject with us. It's always the things that are completely banned that kids get into the first opportunity away from home.
We've enjoyed playing at being fans. While not seriously absorbed ourselves, it's still fun to hang out with the crazies who are. Thursday night, I took my second daughter to see a double feature of the last two movies, The Deathly Hallows part one and two. It's been something fun we have in common with our kids. It's been a challenging read but she persists. It's opened up doors of communication about relationships, good and evil, love and sacrifice. All things I'm happy to help her process.
It would be ridiculous for me to say everyone should take my opinion on the matter and do likewise. Every family is different and some really have no interest at all. But I hope you will consider the process we went through in determining for ourselves what was appropriate for our children. Be especially careful about what you blindly ban from your house. If you have good reasons you can intelligently discuss with your kids, you might get away with it. If you don't, you're setting them up for rebellion, which just happens to be the sin equivalent of witchcraft.
When the Harry Potter books first started making headlines and the the Christian media immediately condemned them, I knew they warranted closer examination. I have heard all manner of arguments for and against the series. Everyone is convinced they know for certain some detail about the author, or whatever, that proves the books are evil.
In the beginning I wasn't interested in reading them. They're children's books! I couldn't get past the first chapter of the first Narnia book, which I consider to be a similar genre. They couldn't possibly be interesting to me.
I have children, and I have to consider them. They are going to grow up in a culture where everything about this series is common knowledge. The myriad ways in which it has impacted our popular culture are almost without precedent. If I tell them not to read the books, what can I suppose they'll do the moment they're out of my control? Can I really trust a televangelist who spouts fear from the pulpit? I know that fear is not from God, so messages that bring fear are NOT from God. So I decided to be responsible and try to read the books myself.
Amazingly, I was absorbed in them almost immediately. Since I do have a keen academic interest in fairy tales and mythologies, I found the clever mixing from so many sources humorous and imaginative. Nothing in the series resembled modern witchcraft, Wicca, occult or satanism practices or beliefs. Most astonishingly, I immediately recognized the biblical parallels. I told my husband when we finished the first book that Harry would have to die at the end and come back, because he was a type of Christ. The last three books weren't even out yet. I also told him Ron only has a little sister because Harry needs a way to become part of this family for real someday, and that Ron would probably end up with Hermione because Harry and Hermione would be too obvious. Marrying my big brother's best friend probably gave me a little insight into how that goes. The last book was a pleasure to read, but not a surprise.
In the meantime, we decided to let our kids watch the movies and read the books with us. That way we could discuss any questions that arose and explain anything they didn't understand. I felt it far wiser to expose them while still in the safety of our home, than force them to wait until they're gone, making them uncomfortable discussing the subject with us. It's always the things that are completely banned that kids get into the first opportunity away from home.
We've enjoyed playing at being fans. While not seriously absorbed ourselves, it's still fun to hang out with the crazies who are. Thursday night, I took my second daughter to see a double feature of the last two movies, The Deathly Hallows part one and two. It's been something fun we have in common with our kids. It's been a challenging read but she persists. It's opened up doors of communication about relationships, good and evil, love and sacrifice. All things I'm happy to help her process.
It would be ridiculous for me to say everyone should take my opinion on the matter and do likewise. Every family is different and some really have no interest at all. But I hope you will consider the process we went through in determining for ourselves what was appropriate for our children. Be especially careful about what you blindly ban from your house. If you have good reasons you can intelligently discuss with your kids, you might get away with it. If you don't, you're setting them up for rebellion, which just happens to be the sin equivalent of witchcraft.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Fireworks Permits
It's the Fourth of July and I woke to the sound of illegal fireworks exploding in the park behind my house. All fireworks are illegal in my city, but these were the kind that were illegal even before the complete ban was instituted. It was indescribably stupid for the city to institute the ban. People who would otherwise have been happy with "safe and sane" fireworks decided to protest by buying the more dangerous kind. The sirens are whirring all day and the snap crackle pop is more than the full police force can pretend to subdue.
It's my assertion that a permit system needs to be put in place, wherein intelligent, responsible citizens can take a video course at the local fire station, demonstrate their compliance with the laws, and obtain a t-shirt printed with a one day permit for safe and sane fireworks in a designated location. The t-shirt would make them easily identifiable as the responsible person at the neighborhood block party, and would essentially deputize them all over the city to photograph, report, and even make citizen arrests for the use of more dangerous explosives. They would have to remain sober as a condition of their permit and be taught proper procedure for citizen arrests as part of their video course.
The law as it is unfairly punishes responsible citizens and encourages them to sympathize with the irresponsible ones. The ones who will not be stopped by any laws.
I would also encourage them to make holidays like the Fourth of July their designated everyone rides the bus for free days, with hours extended until midnight, or two am on New Years. The point of a free ride day is to get people to try the bus, and more people are likely to do so on a day when they know the roads will be crowded and/or they expect to be drinking. Ending the public transportation day at 8:00 makes it completely impractical to use on holidays. Days when it would otherwise be a great option.
Now, to dig up the emails of our local city council and send this to someone who can do something about it. I miss my fireworks dang it!
It's my assertion that a permit system needs to be put in place, wherein intelligent, responsible citizens can take a video course at the local fire station, demonstrate their compliance with the laws, and obtain a t-shirt printed with a one day permit for safe and sane fireworks in a designated location. The t-shirt would make them easily identifiable as the responsible person at the neighborhood block party, and would essentially deputize them all over the city to photograph, report, and even make citizen arrests for the use of more dangerous explosives. They would have to remain sober as a condition of their permit and be taught proper procedure for citizen arrests as part of their video course.
The law as it is unfairly punishes responsible citizens and encourages them to sympathize with the irresponsible ones. The ones who will not be stopped by any laws.
I would also encourage them to make holidays like the Fourth of July their designated everyone rides the bus for free days, with hours extended until midnight, or two am on New Years. The point of a free ride day is to get people to try the bus, and more people are likely to do so on a day when they know the roads will be crowded and/or they expect to be drinking. Ending the public transportation day at 8:00 makes it completely impractical to use on holidays. Days when it would otherwise be a great option.
Now, to dig up the emails of our local city council and send this to someone who can do something about it. I miss my fireworks dang it!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Duck Tape Mania
The makers of Duck brand Duct Tape have made a great website with craft ideas using their product. There are also a million websites with directions posted so I'm not going to be redundant here. Suffice it to say, I had a lot of fun with three seventh graders making wallets, boxes, flowers, and for myself, an iPad bag. Life is full of great natural highs. Having fun with teenagers, and finding out they think you're cool, is one of them.
For Moms: This project was way less messy than I expected it to be. A roll of duck tape goes pretty far. Have goof off handy to degum your scissors after.
For Moms: This project was way less messy than I expected it to be. A roll of duck tape goes pretty far. Have goof off handy to degum your scissors after.
Monday, June 27, 2011
One World, Many Stories
Themes for the summer reading program at our local library vary drastically from year to year. The librarians who put together the program do an excellent job. Their primary goal is to encourage children to expand their horizons through reading. The activities serve to pique a child's interest in a given subject, and there are plenty of related library books in easy reach when the activity is over.
Multicultural themes are wonderful because they fill the gaping hole in our public education system where children should be learning about the world outside of our American bubble. Today my daughters learned simple dances from Ecuador, Mexico, Norway, Japan, and China. They danced to the sound of authentic music which was silly to their ears, but interesting.
The most amazing part was how children two or three years old followed as intently as my nine year old. How beautifully the sharing of simple aspects of culture opens the mind and heart to learning about ideas and history. Things that high school students usually complain about having to learn from their textbooks. I'd love to send my high school world history teacher back to preschool. Today's activity was more interesting and engaging for me, even as an adult, than the entire semester of his class.
Ultimately, parents are responsible for the education of our children. If you're unhappy with the education your child is receiving, you can change it. Parents have more options than ever. Get involved in your child's school, homeschool, take advantage of extracurricular opportunities. So many are out there.
Try your best to avoid complaining. It only exacerbates the problem. Get to know your child's teacher and if there's a real problem, do something about it. Search your community for free or cheap programs that will fill the smaller gaps. Studies show that learning in different locations increases retention, so a public school teacher couldn't do for your children what you can if she wanted to.
Most importantly, I want to say thank you to the lovely librarians at the Sonoma County Library for all your hard work, bringing the world to our children!
Multicultural themes are wonderful because they fill the gaping hole in our public education system where children should be learning about the world outside of our American bubble. Today my daughters learned simple dances from Ecuador, Mexico, Norway, Japan, and China. They danced to the sound of authentic music which was silly to their ears, but interesting.
The most amazing part was how children two or three years old followed as intently as my nine year old. How beautifully the sharing of simple aspects of culture opens the mind and heart to learning about ideas and history. Things that high school students usually complain about having to learn from their textbooks. I'd love to send my high school world history teacher back to preschool. Today's activity was more interesting and engaging for me, even as an adult, than the entire semester of his class.
Ultimately, parents are responsible for the education of our children. If you're unhappy with the education your child is receiving, you can change it. Parents have more options than ever. Get involved in your child's school, homeschool, take advantage of extracurricular opportunities. So many are out there.
Try your best to avoid complaining. It only exacerbates the problem. Get to know your child's teacher and if there's a real problem, do something about it. Search your community for free or cheap programs that will fill the smaller gaps. Studies show that learning in different locations increases retention, so a public school teacher couldn't do for your children what you can if she wanted to.
Most importantly, I want to say thank you to the lovely librarians at the Sonoma County Library for all your hard work, bringing the world to our children!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Sitting Pretty
After helping my husband, then boyfriend, haul all his sound and drum gear into the venue, and setting up everything I knew how to set, I asked him what else I could do to help. I was 16 and an eager follower of the band. His response? Why don't you just sit rght there and look pretty. You have no idea how much that helps!
Here's where the feminists whine and moan about such a chauvinistic request. How dare he relegate me to groupie status when I am nearly as capable as he with all that equipment. But I grew up with brothers, and I understood.
His whole experience of hard thankless work can be transformed by my presence. Suddenly, it becomes an opportunity to strut, chance to flirt shamelessly, if semi covertly. A chance to feel the strength of that invisible cord of communion that runs from somewhere in the vicinity of his heart to a similar location near mine. To practice the art of silent communication. Everything he lifts becomes lighter. Every irritation is smoothed. All because I sit there looking pretty. Not that I'm anything special in general, but I'm his Venus.
I'm not in a power struggle with the man I married. He takes care of me, and I take care of him. Our accomplishments are not the result of his abilities plus my abilities. They're the result of his abilities times mine. Since we have children, we've brought in a factor of four.
This is why the family has been the most important unit of civilization throughout history. It's also why we instinctively search out surrogate families when we move away from our family of origin. We can achieve more through relationship than we can by simply working harder or longer ourselves.
It's not just about strength or talent. The emotional lift we get from companionship is huge. Not to mention meeting the anthropological need for a mate. For men, there is also the need to strut. Nearly every species has a component of male performance before the females hard wired into them. Humans are no exception.
Men don't perform for each other. In the company of other men they lounge in front of televisions, slurp their drinks and fart to their hearts content. Add an available woman to the mix and everything changes.
Sitting isn't a natural state for me. It actually takes a good deal of effort. I'm too much of a goer. Too often we only see each other in passing as our lives fill with family obligations and work. But I take the time, and I make the effort. It's just a small way in which I honor him, because I know it's important to him. When I stop long enough, I realize I like watching him.
Don't get offended. Be sweet to your sweetheart. Let him strut for you!
Here's where the feminists whine and moan about such a chauvinistic request. How dare he relegate me to groupie status when I am nearly as capable as he with all that equipment. But I grew up with brothers, and I understood.
His whole experience of hard thankless work can be transformed by my presence. Suddenly, it becomes an opportunity to strut, chance to flirt shamelessly, if semi covertly. A chance to feel the strength of that invisible cord of communion that runs from somewhere in the vicinity of his heart to a similar location near mine. To practice the art of silent communication. Everything he lifts becomes lighter. Every irritation is smoothed. All because I sit there looking pretty. Not that I'm anything special in general, but I'm his Venus.
I'm not in a power struggle with the man I married. He takes care of me, and I take care of him. Our accomplishments are not the result of his abilities plus my abilities. They're the result of his abilities times mine. Since we have children, we've brought in a factor of four.
This is why the family has been the most important unit of civilization throughout history. It's also why we instinctively search out surrogate families when we move away from our family of origin. We can achieve more through relationship than we can by simply working harder or longer ourselves.
It's not just about strength or talent. The emotional lift we get from companionship is huge. Not to mention meeting the anthropological need for a mate. For men, there is also the need to strut. Nearly every species has a component of male performance before the females hard wired into them. Humans are no exception.
Men don't perform for each other. In the company of other men they lounge in front of televisions, slurp their drinks and fart to their hearts content. Add an available woman to the mix and everything changes.
Sitting isn't a natural state for me. It actually takes a good deal of effort. I'm too much of a goer. Too often we only see each other in passing as our lives fill with family obligations and work. But I take the time, and I make the effort. It's just a small way in which I honor him, because I know it's important to him. When I stop long enough, I realize I like watching him.
Don't get offended. Be sweet to your sweetheart. Let him strut for you!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
YouTube FTW
Fun to do today: go on YouTube and search for your favorite kids songs to share with your kids. I got to singing "There's a Hole in the Bucket" with my nine year old and had to share the classic Sesame Street version. One thing led to another, and suffice it to say, if you like Thomas the Tank Engine and/or Transformers you should search for Trains-Formers!
Sharing things you loved when you were their age, and discovering new things together, is a great way to strengthen the relationships you have with your kids.
Sharing things you loved when you were their age, and discovering new things together, is a great way to strengthen the relationships you have with your kids.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Failure
By now you're probably wondering who this person is who can just set rules for herself and make drastic changes in her life. The truth is not quite like that. I fail all the time. But I figure if I do eighty or ninety percent of what I set out to do, I'm still way ahead of where I was when I set out.
The point is in trying. I've always believed that you are who you choose to be. Everyone has had a difficult life. Part of being human is overcoming challenges. We see this principle in action as our society becomes more affluent. Teenagers who have had everything they could ever want all their lives seem to intentionally screw up in some way, just to have something to overcome. If they're not sabatoging themselves, they're getting into ever more extreme sports. Unless we have serious depression issues, we crave a good challenge.
Some of the goals/rules I've set for myself have been inspired by discontent. I didn't like the way my life was going. Most were inspired by the love of a good challenge and the desire to raise my standing in the world. Before the idea of a bucket list became popular again, someone told me I should write down the things I want to accomplish before I die and try working on one of those things at a time. The last part was the most important for me. Work on one thing at a time.
This is hard stuff. As you've probably gathered from my blog address, I'm a Mensa member. School was easy for me. It trained me to be academically lazy. If I can't be good at something right away, I don't want to pursue it. I've spent every day since high school trying to undo that early training. That training is why the top two percent of the population, in terms of IQ are not the most successful members of our society. Then next five percent below actually are, because they learned to work hard trying to keep up with us in school. Since I just learned to hate school, my interests were focused on home.
My grandma was a brilliant homemaker. She could do every kind of craft, preserve every kind of food, grow every kind of plant. She was also 70 years old at my earliest memory. It's helps to remind myself of this. If I learn to preserve one new thing each year, I'll be as impressive as she was at 70. If I learn one new craft AFTER another (finishing each before starting the next) I'll be a genius to my grandkids. If I grow one new plant a year, someday my thumb will turn green.
After 15 years of building my family and my home, I am finally beginning to realize some feeling of success. We eat things I have grown and preserved almost daily. We finally were able to purchase a home, and my creative crafting and sewing skills allowed me to decorate it and make it fun for very little money. I even designed built in bunk beds which my husband constructed for our girls.
But I wouldn't be here without all those failures along the way! The only real failure is the failure to try.
This year we're trying bowling. I'm checking out leagues for the fall. Having never been in a league sport of any kind, this is really new to all of us. My top score is 130 and I'm lucky if I bowl one strike in a game. My five year old nearly beat me today. This is going to take a lot of trying.
What are you trying right now?
The point is in trying. I've always believed that you are who you choose to be. Everyone has had a difficult life. Part of being human is overcoming challenges. We see this principle in action as our society becomes more affluent. Teenagers who have had everything they could ever want all their lives seem to intentionally screw up in some way, just to have something to overcome. If they're not sabatoging themselves, they're getting into ever more extreme sports. Unless we have serious depression issues, we crave a good challenge.
Some of the goals/rules I've set for myself have been inspired by discontent. I didn't like the way my life was going. Most were inspired by the love of a good challenge and the desire to raise my standing in the world. Before the idea of a bucket list became popular again, someone told me I should write down the things I want to accomplish before I die and try working on one of those things at a time. The last part was the most important for me. Work on one thing at a time.
This is hard stuff. As you've probably gathered from my blog address, I'm a Mensa member. School was easy for me. It trained me to be academically lazy. If I can't be good at something right away, I don't want to pursue it. I've spent every day since high school trying to undo that early training. That training is why the top two percent of the population, in terms of IQ are not the most successful members of our society. Then next five percent below actually are, because they learned to work hard trying to keep up with us in school. Since I just learned to hate school, my interests were focused on home.
My grandma was a brilliant homemaker. She could do every kind of craft, preserve every kind of food, grow every kind of plant. She was also 70 years old at my earliest memory. It's helps to remind myself of this. If I learn to preserve one new thing each year, I'll be as impressive as she was at 70. If I learn one new craft AFTER another (finishing each before starting the next) I'll be a genius to my grandkids. If I grow one new plant a year, someday my thumb will turn green.
After 15 years of building my family and my home, I am finally beginning to realize some feeling of success. We eat things I have grown and preserved almost daily. We finally were able to purchase a home, and my creative crafting and sewing skills allowed me to decorate it and make it fun for very little money. I even designed built in bunk beds which my husband constructed for our girls.
But I wouldn't be here without all those failures along the way! The only real failure is the failure to try.
This year we're trying bowling. I'm checking out leagues for the fall. Having never been in a league sport of any kind, this is really new to all of us. My top score is 130 and I'm lucky if I bowl one strike in a game. My five year old nearly beat me today. This is going to take a lot of trying.
What are you trying right now?
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Feeling Haggard?
There's a free publication that goes out, as often as the publisher has money to print it, called Above Rubies. While I don't agree with all of their ideals, I have found inspiration in its pages. Perhaps it's because I have four kids and the writers are also mothers of many. Most parenting publications seem aimed at smaller families.
One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother was at the doctor with yet another sick kid and a sympathetic stranger began to condole with her about how difficult it must be to raise so many children. It occurred to her that she must be putting forth a rather pathetic visage. She had chosen to have these children. She rejoiced in each of them. Her life was exactly what she had set forth to make it, full of wonderful exuberant little ones. What kind of testimony was her ragged hair and stained wardrobe giving to the world about her life. She resolved to pull herself together, change her outlook and look like it.
It's easy to forget that our lives are what we made them. We chose to build a family. Sure we all hit obstacles over which we have no control, but how we respond to them is what really matters. If we don't like our lives, we can change them. Changing is easier than starting from scratch. Since we do like these wild kids and occasionally insensitive but hardworking men, we tied our lives together with our own free wills, we ought to show it.
Motherhood is hard. I can't imagine doing some of the things I see women do while perpetually pregnant. I could barely take care of myself. What I could do was make a few rules for myself to keep me presentable, and make my husbands eyes light up when he sees me.
Here are my personal rules for keeping the haggard housewife look at bay:
- Deal with misbehavior from the children early, before it becomes irritating.
- Remember, if you're done with being pregnant/breastfeeding you can take medicine for that headache or cold. (After a decade in that condition I kept forgetting and just suffering through.)
- Throw out clothes with stains on them or holes in them, including night clothes and underwear. No grubby jeans.
- No printed t-shirts or sweats. No workout clothes when not actually working out. I must confess to saving two t-shirts from important events I participated in, but others went into my husband's shirt pile and now I get shirts in his size when at an event.
- Bathe before getting the children up in the morning, never go more than one day without, get dressed to the shoes, comb hair and put it up, put on at least one item of jewelry.
- Dress for the nicest thing you have to do today.
- Dress nice for bed too. You might not care, but when you can make your husband happy with so little effort is seems silly not to.
The wardrobe took a while to change. I found a store I liked and started shopping the clearance racks until I amassed enough of a decent wardrobe to throw out all the worn out stuff. Clearance racks at high end stores are a far better deal than the big discount chain stores and the quality and fit are far superior to Target and Walmart. My favorite is Anne Taylor LOFT. My sister's is Eddie Bauer. The nice thing about shopping often at one store is their styles and colors come around every few years so you can find new things that coordinate with your favorite older pieces. Sign up for their email promotion alerts and watch for an additional percent off clearance items, then go the first day of that sale. I also love Macy's for nice comfortable lingerie on clearance.
Your list may include putting makeup on. I don't often wear makeup because I have rosacea and it irritates my face, I had also given up on finding a facial cleansing routine that didn't hurt. After successfully adapting to my new rules so that they didn't seem hard any more, I resolved to try again to find a way to improve my complexion and, with the help of a persistent Mary Kay consultant, was finally able to do so.
It's been so worth it. People will treat you according to how you dress. It may not be fair, but it's reality. I want people to celebrate my choice to have children, not condole with me.
How do you keep the haggard housewife look at bay?
One story in particular had a big impact on me. A mother was at the doctor with yet another sick kid and a sympathetic stranger began to condole with her about how difficult it must be to raise so many children. It occurred to her that she must be putting forth a rather pathetic visage. She had chosen to have these children. She rejoiced in each of them. Her life was exactly what she had set forth to make it, full of wonderful exuberant little ones. What kind of testimony was her ragged hair and stained wardrobe giving to the world about her life. She resolved to pull herself together, change her outlook and look like it.
It's easy to forget that our lives are what we made them. We chose to build a family. Sure we all hit obstacles over which we have no control, but how we respond to them is what really matters. If we don't like our lives, we can change them. Changing is easier than starting from scratch. Since we do like these wild kids and occasionally insensitive but hardworking men, we tied our lives together with our own free wills, we ought to show it.
Motherhood is hard. I can't imagine doing some of the things I see women do while perpetually pregnant. I could barely take care of myself. What I could do was make a few rules for myself to keep me presentable, and make my husbands eyes light up when he sees me.
Here are my personal rules for keeping the haggard housewife look at bay:
- Deal with misbehavior from the children early, before it becomes irritating.
- Remember, if you're done with being pregnant/breastfeeding you can take medicine for that headache or cold. (After a decade in that condition I kept forgetting and just suffering through.)
- Throw out clothes with stains on them or holes in them, including night clothes and underwear. No grubby jeans.
- No printed t-shirts or sweats. No workout clothes when not actually working out. I must confess to saving two t-shirts from important events I participated in, but others went into my husband's shirt pile and now I get shirts in his size when at an event.
- Bathe before getting the children up in the morning, never go more than one day without, get dressed to the shoes, comb hair and put it up, put on at least one item of jewelry.
- Dress for the nicest thing you have to do today.
- Dress nice for bed too. You might not care, but when you can make your husband happy with so little effort is seems silly not to.
The wardrobe took a while to change. I found a store I liked and started shopping the clearance racks until I amassed enough of a decent wardrobe to throw out all the worn out stuff. Clearance racks at high end stores are a far better deal than the big discount chain stores and the quality and fit are far superior to Target and Walmart. My favorite is Anne Taylor LOFT. My sister's is Eddie Bauer. The nice thing about shopping often at one store is their styles and colors come around every few years so you can find new things that coordinate with your favorite older pieces. Sign up for their email promotion alerts and watch for an additional percent off clearance items, then go the first day of that sale. I also love Macy's for nice comfortable lingerie on clearance.
Your list may include putting makeup on. I don't often wear makeup because I have rosacea and it irritates my face, I had also given up on finding a facial cleansing routine that didn't hurt. After successfully adapting to my new rules so that they didn't seem hard any more, I resolved to try again to find a way to improve my complexion and, with the help of a persistent Mary Kay consultant, was finally able to do so.
It's been so worth it. People will treat you according to how you dress. It may not be fair, but it's reality. I want people to celebrate my choice to have children, not condole with me.
How do you keep the haggard housewife look at bay?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Under Where?
After ten years of trial and error, I finally heard the words of affirmation I had been looking for, "I really like these underwear honey!" YES! I did it! I found a brand/style combination he liked! When we were first married he had no clue.
Now I can shop for his underwear with the same ease I buy milk. No more standing in front of displays of mens undergarments wondering if he would prefer the breeziness of boxers or the stability of briefs. No more pondering the merits of tag-less comfort soft waistbands versus a classic sturdy utility waistband. Thank God they don't have low-rise, mid-rise, and high-rise options too.
It's not like he would willingly express to me his feelings on the merits of each feature. He's a man. It's just not gonna happen. He once told me to, "just buy what you want to see me in Honey." Ewwwww! There's a reason there's not a massive industry devoted to seasonally changing men's lingerie. Women just don't respond to visual stimulation the way men do. A man's underwear has a job to do and it works hard. He wears it until the skid marks are permanent and the holes are so big his equipment is falling out.
Fortunately, once a man has decided on something he considers a staple, you just have to buy the same thing for the rest of his life. Manufacturers know this. That's why the same briefs are still available today that my great grandfather wore. My mother goes in and out of the men's department without even slowing her steps. Now, it's my turn!
There's just one little problem. My husband came shopping with me recently, and underwear for him was on my list. We walked into the aisle and HE didn't know what kind he likes!
Where was this on the estate planning list of things you should write down for your loved ones left behind! He might be left alone some day, brought to tears every time he thinks of me, reminded hourly by the sensation of the wrong underwear riding up on him. Or worse, hoarding those last dozen pairs like a crack addict who knows he'll never find anything as good ever again. That is until he finally breaks down and brings his last holey undergarment into the store, pleading with the unfortunate clerk to help him decipher the remnants of an impossibly faded tag.
For my husband, in the event I precede you in death. You like Froot of the Loom tag-less comfort soft waistband boxer briefs in shades of blue better than shades of grey.
Now I'm concerned. What else do I need to put on that estate planning list?
Now I can shop for his underwear with the same ease I buy milk. No more standing in front of displays of mens undergarments wondering if he would prefer the breeziness of boxers or the stability of briefs. No more pondering the merits of tag-less comfort soft waistbands versus a classic sturdy utility waistband. Thank God they don't have low-rise, mid-rise, and high-rise options too.
It's not like he would willingly express to me his feelings on the merits of each feature. He's a man. It's just not gonna happen. He once told me to, "just buy what you want to see me in Honey." Ewwwww! There's a reason there's not a massive industry devoted to seasonally changing men's lingerie. Women just don't respond to visual stimulation the way men do. A man's underwear has a job to do and it works hard. He wears it until the skid marks are permanent and the holes are so big his equipment is falling out.
Fortunately, once a man has decided on something he considers a staple, you just have to buy the same thing for the rest of his life. Manufacturers know this. That's why the same briefs are still available today that my great grandfather wore. My mother goes in and out of the men's department without even slowing her steps. Now, it's my turn!
There's just one little problem. My husband came shopping with me recently, and underwear for him was on my list. We walked into the aisle and HE didn't know what kind he likes!
Where was this on the estate planning list of things you should write down for your loved ones left behind! He might be left alone some day, brought to tears every time he thinks of me, reminded hourly by the sensation of the wrong underwear riding up on him. Or worse, hoarding those last dozen pairs like a crack addict who knows he'll never find anything as good ever again. That is until he finally breaks down and brings his last holey undergarment into the store, pleading with the unfortunate clerk to help him decipher the remnants of an impossibly faded tag.
For my husband, in the event I precede you in death. You like Froot of the Loom tag-less comfort soft waistband boxer briefs in shades of blue better than shades of grey.
Now I'm concerned. What else do I need to put on that estate planning list?
Monday, June 20, 2011
Cinderella
Everyone who likes housework can just go away now. This post isn't for you. I mean it. Really, you can go. What?!? No one left? Ok, well then, you might appreciate this little nugget from my mom.
When it's time to clean, pretend you're Cinderella! You can only go to the Ball (or Mall) IF you get all your chores done. Thats right, you're the cheerful under-appreciated unpaid servant who sings as she scrubs the floor for the hundredth time. Your children are the helpful little mice and birds who do what they can to help. Then, when the house is clean, change into your nice clothes and enjoy being the Princess while you wait for your Prince to come.
We're never too old to play pretend!
When it's time to clean, pretend you're Cinderella! You can only go to the Ball (or Mall) IF you get all your chores done. Thats right, you're the cheerful under-appreciated unpaid servant who sings as she scrubs the floor for the hundredth time. Your children are the helpful little mice and birds who do what they can to help. Then, when the house is clean, change into your nice clothes and enjoy being the Princess while you wait for your Prince to come.
We're never too old to play pretend!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
The "I Love You" Challenge
The simple phrase, I love you, is the most inferential phrase in the world. It means something different to each of us, and holds various meanings within each relationship we have.
You've probably figured out by now that I often try to create positive change in my life by challenging myself with new rules. As I began to the explore the possibility of a romantic relationship with my best friend, who is now my husband, I challenged us both. We would not use this fickle phrase, but strengthen our vocabulary and communication skills by choosing more precise verbiage.
Basically, I told him not to tell me he loved me until it meant he was prepared to do whatever it took to marry me. Yeah, I was a little blunt. It's one of the best things we've done to build our relationship. While the I love yous now flow freely, we also continue to frequently express more precise feelings.
Today I issue this challenge to you. When you feel something positive toward your mate, remember that you're feeling that gushy lovey feeling for a reason, and choose words that express it specifically instead of another, "I love you." Try it for a few days, then come back and share your results.
My favorite starts:
I really appreciate the way you ...
When you ..... I feel ...
I'm so glad I/we ...
I'm so impressed/proud of you when ...
I noticed that you ...
Thank you for ...
It's even better to put some of these in writing. Love notes give you something to hold onto when your partner isn't with you. I find them at the bottom of my grocery list. In my digital notepad, email, text, on the bathroom mirror. They make me smile all day long. More importantly, they make me want to respond in kind, beginning a self-perpetuating spiral of affection and happiness in our marriage.
You've probably figured out by now that I often try to create positive change in my life by challenging myself with new rules. As I began to the explore the possibility of a romantic relationship with my best friend, who is now my husband, I challenged us both. We would not use this fickle phrase, but strengthen our vocabulary and communication skills by choosing more precise verbiage.
Basically, I told him not to tell me he loved me until it meant he was prepared to do whatever it took to marry me. Yeah, I was a little blunt. It's one of the best things we've done to build our relationship. While the I love yous now flow freely, we also continue to frequently express more precise feelings.
Today I issue this challenge to you. When you feel something positive toward your mate, remember that you're feeling that gushy lovey feeling for a reason, and choose words that express it specifically instead of another, "I love you." Try it for a few days, then come back and share your results.
My favorite starts:
I really appreciate the way you ...
When you ..... I feel ...
I'm so glad I/we ...
I'm so impressed/proud of you when ...
I noticed that you ...
Thank you for ...
It's even better to put some of these in writing. Love notes give you something to hold onto when your partner isn't with you. I find them at the bottom of my grocery list. In my digital notepad, email, text, on the bathroom mirror. They make me smile all day long. More importantly, they make me want to respond in kind, beginning a self-perpetuating spiral of affection and happiness in our marriage.
Down Days
According to science, our kids need down days to recuperate and optimize learning. In our house a down day usually involves a lot of television and computer time, though divided between four kids it's not quite so bad. They pulled out Bella Dancerella Cheerleader and, after watching the video, practiced cheers on the front lawn.
As unproductive as I feel, we actually got a few big things crossed off the to do list. Particularly, getting all our exhibit entry forms filled out for the county fair and then entering as many pre-fair contests as we are eligible for. My twelve year old is determined to get her hands on some money for an iPad and spent the bulk of the day working on her sticker contest drawing. I hate to discourage her, but this is the most entered contest, so the odds aren't good.
It's the end of the day now, and I feel that I can't let two whole days go by without a post. That would be far too lazy of me. A line must be drawn somewhere. I have half a dozen new ideas to write. Instead, I'm curled up in bed with my iPad, not really wanting to sleep, or think. I want to finish watching the last 20 episodes of Numb3rs and drift like this through the rest of the summer. Not a healthy desire for the long term, but a down day here and there is a lovely thing.
When my oldest was a baby, I would cuddle her and doze while she napped. It didn't take long for my life to fill up to a degree that sleeping with my babies was no longer an option. Today, I cuddled my children by turns. They found me on the couch with a blanket and just snuggled in of their own accord to recharge their little love cells. I found my own charged up in return.
So many people have their kids lives scheduled to capacity. As mentioned in an earlier post, I like a full calendar, but mostly so I can have options. I prefer to limit scheduled obligations. It's good to be open to down time when it's needed. Quantity time is still better than the much promoted "quality time" whenever possible.
I wish you many summer days of leisure and baby snuggles to lift your heart and carry you through the crazy busy days of fun and chaos.
As unproductive as I feel, we actually got a few big things crossed off the to do list. Particularly, getting all our exhibit entry forms filled out for the county fair and then entering as many pre-fair contests as we are eligible for. My twelve year old is determined to get her hands on some money for an iPad and spent the bulk of the day working on her sticker contest drawing. I hate to discourage her, but this is the most entered contest, so the odds aren't good.
It's the end of the day now, and I feel that I can't let two whole days go by without a post. That would be far too lazy of me. A line must be drawn somewhere. I have half a dozen new ideas to write. Instead, I'm curled up in bed with my iPad, not really wanting to sleep, or think. I want to finish watching the last 20 episodes of Numb3rs and drift like this through the rest of the summer. Not a healthy desire for the long term, but a down day here and there is a lovely thing.
When my oldest was a baby, I would cuddle her and doze while she napped. It didn't take long for my life to fill up to a degree that sleeping with my babies was no longer an option. Today, I cuddled my children by turns. They found me on the couch with a blanket and just snuggled in of their own accord to recharge their little love cells. I found my own charged up in return.
So many people have their kids lives scheduled to capacity. As mentioned in an earlier post, I like a full calendar, but mostly so I can have options. I prefer to limit scheduled obligations. It's good to be open to down time when it's needed. Quantity time is still better than the much promoted "quality time" whenever possible.
I wish you many summer days of leisure and baby snuggles to lift your heart and carry you through the crazy busy days of fun and chaos.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Find My iPhone
It's summer, and like most stay at home moms that means I'm busy all day everyday. This compromises my mental acuity in certain predictable ways.
I was running to the grocery store yesterday, after my husband got home from work, to find something for a last minute dinner. This was an afterthought to my errand to the bank, so I meant to text him and let him know why I was taking so long, and that dinner would be forthcoming. Unfortunately, I kept getting distracted in mid text and at some point set my phone down in my cart. It wasn't loose in the cart when I unloaded my groceries, so I thought I had shoved it back in my purse. At bed time, I decided I was too tired to get back out of bed and go look for it to plug it in.
In the morning I began the search. Soon I was sure that it wasn't in the house, so the tracking began. Thanks to Mobile Me and a handy little app called Find My iPhone, I was able to determine with certainty that my iPhone was at McDonalds in a nearby town. It didn't migrate that far on it's own. At least I could lock the phone and send it a message with another phone number to call "if found," but the odds weren't good. Someone had already found it...and wasn't returning it.
What do you do with that kind of information? How precise is it anyway? I called the local police, NOT on the emergency only 911 line. I was told they could send an officer to meet me at the location to get it back, but when I talked to the officer he said that phone tracking wasn't very accurate and he thought it would be a waste of time.
Not one to give up easily I decided to take my kids to lunch at McDonalds. This particular restaurant had a playground so if the phone wasn't there it wouldn't be a complete waste. Perhaps the thief had gotten my message, discovered the phone was locked, and been smart enough to ditch it. Assuming the tracking location was like the maps app, which puts a pin at random on the property of the address you're looking for, I searched the entire lot. I must have called myself a hundred times listening at garbage cans. I talked to people in the restaurant, made a nuisance of myself to the management and checked the location a hundred times.
The first guy I asked left rather quickly. After an hour or so I saw him come back and jump start his truck. A vehicle parked in exactly the spot where the app marked the location of my phone. I checked the tracking app a few minutes later and my phone was across town in another parking lot. The app had been more accurate than I gave it credit for, and this punk had lied to my face, in front of his daughter. As tempted as I was to pursue him further, I decided the inevitable confrontation wasn't worth the risk to myself, and my kids who were with me.
By this point I had already pretty much given up. I was able to wipe the phone remotely, again courtesy of the Mobile Me Find My iPhone App. The AT&T Customer Service was excellent as usual and they disconnected the old sim card and walked me through everything I needed to do to secure my information and get a new phone as inexpensively as possible. My phone was already almost two years old and eligible for an upgrade, so I'm getting new iPhone and my life will go on tomorrow as usual.
Still, I'm feeling oddly unsatisfied. A petty thief is out there, raising children. My old phone, wiped and with a dead sim card, is worth maybe $30. I want to ask him, was it worth your character? Was it worth the loss of dignity in front of your child? Do you realize you just taught her a lesson that could come back to bite you in keister? Do you know I could have followed you all day and discovered where you live and work? Do you know I could have brought the police into this? That's a rather significant risk to take for $30.
If you're a cop, trust that Find iPhone app. It's accurate.
If you're looking for a phone, I can't recommend anything else. It was way cool to be able to find, lock and wipe my phone remotely. Insurance plans can't protect your personal information like that.
If you're a thief, don't be stupid. Stealing iPhones isn't worth it with this kind of tracking onboard.
If you're my mother, I could use a hug. It's been a stressful day.
I was running to the grocery store yesterday, after my husband got home from work, to find something for a last minute dinner. This was an afterthought to my errand to the bank, so I meant to text him and let him know why I was taking so long, and that dinner would be forthcoming. Unfortunately, I kept getting distracted in mid text and at some point set my phone down in my cart. It wasn't loose in the cart when I unloaded my groceries, so I thought I had shoved it back in my purse. At bed time, I decided I was too tired to get back out of bed and go look for it to plug it in.
In the morning I began the search. Soon I was sure that it wasn't in the house, so the tracking began. Thanks to Mobile Me and a handy little app called Find My iPhone, I was able to determine with certainty that my iPhone was at McDonalds in a nearby town. It didn't migrate that far on it's own. At least I could lock the phone and send it a message with another phone number to call "if found," but the odds weren't good. Someone had already found it...and wasn't returning it.
What do you do with that kind of information? How precise is it anyway? I called the local police, NOT on the emergency only 911 line. I was told they could send an officer to meet me at the location to get it back, but when I talked to the officer he said that phone tracking wasn't very accurate and he thought it would be a waste of time.
Not one to give up easily I decided to take my kids to lunch at McDonalds. This particular restaurant had a playground so if the phone wasn't there it wouldn't be a complete waste. Perhaps the thief had gotten my message, discovered the phone was locked, and been smart enough to ditch it. Assuming the tracking location was like the maps app, which puts a pin at random on the property of the address you're looking for, I searched the entire lot. I must have called myself a hundred times listening at garbage cans. I talked to people in the restaurant, made a nuisance of myself to the management and checked the location a hundred times.
The first guy I asked left rather quickly. After an hour or so I saw him come back and jump start his truck. A vehicle parked in exactly the spot where the app marked the location of my phone. I checked the tracking app a few minutes later and my phone was across town in another parking lot. The app had been more accurate than I gave it credit for, and this punk had lied to my face, in front of his daughter. As tempted as I was to pursue him further, I decided the inevitable confrontation wasn't worth the risk to myself, and my kids who were with me.
By this point I had already pretty much given up. I was able to wipe the phone remotely, again courtesy of the Mobile Me Find My iPhone App. The AT&T Customer Service was excellent as usual and they disconnected the old sim card and walked me through everything I needed to do to secure my information and get a new phone as inexpensively as possible. My phone was already almost two years old and eligible for an upgrade, so I'm getting new iPhone and my life will go on tomorrow as usual.
Still, I'm feeling oddly unsatisfied. A petty thief is out there, raising children. My old phone, wiped and with a dead sim card, is worth maybe $30. I want to ask him, was it worth your character? Was it worth the loss of dignity in front of your child? Do you realize you just taught her a lesson that could come back to bite you in keister? Do you know I could have followed you all day and discovered where you live and work? Do you know I could have brought the police into this? That's a rather significant risk to take for $30.
If you're a cop, trust that Find iPhone app. It's accurate.
If you're looking for a phone, I can't recommend anything else. It was way cool to be able to find, lock and wipe my phone remotely. Insurance plans can't protect your personal information like that.
If you're a thief, don't be stupid. Stealing iPhones isn't worth it with this kind of tracking onboard.
If you're my mother, I could use a hug. It's been a stressful day.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Suminagashi: Japanese Paper Marbling
Ever notice the lovely marbled paper end sheets in old books? It's likely the ones you've seen have been printed, but the idea of putting beautiful marbled paper in books began long before the printing press was invented. Then, the art of creating beautiful designs by floating paint on water, and picking it up on paper, was a carefully guarded trade secret, passed from master to apprentice in a tightly closed circle.
Today, a lovely volunteer at our local library took the time to share this history and art form with about thirty 9-12 year olds. My daughter and niece enjoyed the project immensely, bringing home a dozen beautiful sheets of paper each.
It's a beautiful thing to pass on a skill to a group of young people. None of them are likely to devote their lives to mastering it, but maybe one will. Maybe one will find patterns in the swirling paint that mean something to them, and keep trying until they can create meaningful patterns at will. Maybe we can keep an ancient art form around for a few more thousand years.
What do I have to pass on to the next generation? What do you have? Can we devote some time to teaching it to a group of kids? You don't need to have children of your own to volunteer at a local school or library. You don't have to make a long term commitment. One afternoon at a time would be great. As our schools and communities lose monetary resources we can bolster them up with our human and creative resources.
I also highly recommend googling "Suminigashi" and trying it with kids 8 and up. When I was young, I remember doing something similar with a special Easter egg dye kit. It's way cool on paper.
Today, a lovely volunteer at our local library took the time to share this history and art form with about thirty 9-12 year olds. My daughter and niece enjoyed the project immensely, bringing home a dozen beautiful sheets of paper each.
It's a beautiful thing to pass on a skill to a group of young people. None of them are likely to devote their lives to mastering it, but maybe one will. Maybe one will find patterns in the swirling paint that mean something to them, and keep trying until they can create meaningful patterns at will. Maybe we can keep an ancient art form around for a few more thousand years.
What do I have to pass on to the next generation? What do you have? Can we devote some time to teaching it to a group of kids? You don't need to have children of your own to volunteer at a local school or library. You don't have to make a long term commitment. One afternoon at a time would be great. As our schools and communities lose monetary resources we can bolster them up with our human and creative resources.
I also highly recommend googling "Suminigashi" and trying it with kids 8 and up. When I was young, I remember doing something similar with a special Easter egg dye kit. It's way cool on paper.
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Politicians & Fidelity
I've heard a lot of people asking what a politician's relational shenanigans have to do with his job. Whether you're right, left, or center, you should be concerned about it. Character is more vital to a politician's job than experience. Experience can be gained. We expect that people will learn over time. Character, for better or worse, is generally formed at an early age. It seldom changes in adulthood.
If a man can't keep the promise he made to be faithful to his wife, a woman he loved at the time he made it, how can he be trusted to keep the promise he makes to the Constitution, an inanimate object for which his degree of emotional attachment is unknowable?
There's a reason the Marines motto is Semper Fidelis, Latin for Always Faithful. Fidelity, faithfulness to the Constitution and people it represents, is a fundamentally essential characteristic of someone whose job is to defend those things. Since our President is the Commander in Chief of our Armed Forces, his fidelity should be a bulwark, an uncompromising rock in which the people of America can trust. Our congressmen, likewise. No matter the specific makeup of their constituency, their fidelity to the Constitution, and what is best for the people of America, should be something we can be certain of.
It concerns me less where a politician stands on any issue, than the character he shows in his personal and professional relationships. A man, or woman, of character can be trusted to look at all sides of an issue, at all the available information, and change their position if needed, because the right thing is more important than the expedient thing. If he would risk his marriage for an opportunistic lay, what would he sell a vote for; a boat, a private jet, a campaign contribution, another lay?
Sadly, I see few politicians of any party in whose fidelity I feel confident. Perhaps that's why Americans are so unhappy with all of our leaders. We vote strategically over issues, rather than seeking out leaders whose character is good for whom positions on the issues are not yet fixed. Leaders who can approach investigation and debate on an issue with a mind open to the possibility that public opinion is not necessarily right. It's not their job to vote the way they think we want, because we don't make it our full time job to know everything about every issue. It's their job to get the information we don't have, make the right decision, then explain it to us.
Race, gender, even sexual orientation really mean nothing to me in the polling place, but promiscuity, infidelity and divorce are immediate disqualifiers. I hope you will consider how we could change our nation if we all changed this one factor of our voting priorities.
If a man can't keep the promise he made to be faithful to his wife, a woman he loved at the time he made it, how can he be trusted to keep the promise he makes to the Constitution, an inanimate object for which his degree of emotional attachment is unknowable?
There's a reason the Marines motto is Semper Fidelis, Latin for Always Faithful. Fidelity, faithfulness to the Constitution and people it represents, is a fundamentally essential characteristic of someone whose job is to defend those things. Since our President is the Commander in Chief of our Armed Forces, his fidelity should be a bulwark, an uncompromising rock in which the people of America can trust. Our congressmen, likewise. No matter the specific makeup of their constituency, their fidelity to the Constitution, and what is best for the people of America, should be something we can be certain of.
It concerns me less where a politician stands on any issue, than the character he shows in his personal and professional relationships. A man, or woman, of character can be trusted to look at all sides of an issue, at all the available information, and change their position if needed, because the right thing is more important than the expedient thing. If he would risk his marriage for an opportunistic lay, what would he sell a vote for; a boat, a private jet, a campaign contribution, another lay?
Sadly, I see few politicians of any party in whose fidelity I feel confident. Perhaps that's why Americans are so unhappy with all of our leaders. We vote strategically over issues, rather than seeking out leaders whose character is good for whom positions on the issues are not yet fixed. Leaders who can approach investigation and debate on an issue with a mind open to the possibility that public opinion is not necessarily right. It's not their job to vote the way they think we want, because we don't make it our full time job to know everything about every issue. It's their job to get the information we don't have, make the right decision, then explain it to us.
Race, gender, even sexual orientation really mean nothing to me in the polling place, but promiscuity, infidelity and divorce are immediate disqualifiers. I hope you will consider how we could change our nation if we all changed this one factor of our voting priorities.
Friday, June 10, 2011
All Siblings, All the Time
The first week of no school, all sisters all the time, is behind us. Time for a much needed break from all this togetherness. The first week is always the most difficult as they transitiion from splitting their days between peers and siblings, to just siblings. Even we, as parents, get a break from all the together time more often. They get left together with a sitter, a cousin, a friend, or Grandma.
It's important to try to empathize with your kids. To understand why they're so grumpy and ease the pressure when we can. I'm not an accommodating parent most of the time. Kids need to know the world does not revolve around them for their own healthy social development. But kids run down and get grumpy just like grownups, and it's equally important that they learn how to recuperate.
I'm extremely cautious about sleepovers, but a night with a cousin in a house I know is safe is a great way to get some space from siblings.
If at all possible, dad taking someone to help him with the odd Saturday job is another good escape.
That leaves the two younger ones, and we'll reciprocate the cousin's invitation by taking her younger sibling out with us in the morning.
How do you give your kids breaks from each other? I'm sure we could all use more ideas.
It's important to try to empathize with your kids. To understand why they're so grumpy and ease the pressure when we can. I'm not an accommodating parent most of the time. Kids need to know the world does not revolve around them for their own healthy social development. But kids run down and get grumpy just like grownups, and it's equally important that they learn how to recuperate.
I'm extremely cautious about sleepovers, but a night with a cousin in a house I know is safe is a great way to get some space from siblings.
If at all possible, dad taking someone to help him with the odd Saturday job is another good escape.
That leaves the two younger ones, and we'll reciprocate the cousin's invitation by taking her younger sibling out with us in the morning.
How do you give your kids breaks from each other? I'm sure we could all use more ideas.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
The Gap
A significant gender gap recently came to my attention, in a rather amusing manner. One last bastion of seperation remains, public restrooms. At some point every little girl figures out that boys can pee standing up, lucky buggers. The first time we come in contact with a urinal, perhaps in a porta potty or one restroom restaurant, we are confused, but it's such an obvious object it gets noticed and explained and the mystery ends before we're old enough to be embarrassed by it.
Girls have some unique objects in their restrooms too, but they're not so obvious, and boys are mystified by them.
My dad builds in retail stores and occasionally brings extra or removed fixtures home because he can't bear to throw them in a dumpster. I love to use commercial fixtures in my home for their aesthetic and practicality. I picked up a little stall mountable garbage can off his workbench a few weeks ago and asked if I could use it in my bathroom at home. He looked at me with the glint in his eye of someone who knows a secret and said,"Do you know what that is?". This should have been my first clue. Of course I know what that is. It's the little garbage can mounted next the toilet in a bathroom stall for disposing of your feminine products.
He granted my request and I took said object home for my master bath. At last, a garbage can that hides beside the toilet and doesn't sit on the floor getting gross and/or rusty!
Usually, I pull out my own battery operated screw driver for these kind of projects. When I'm busy, and do hand them off to my husband, I usually specify exactly where I want things mounted. But this is just a little garbage can. There's only one obvious place for it and an inch or two either direction is not gonna matter, right?
My husband looked at me a little confused when I handed him the box. This should have been my second clue. I asked him to mount this garbage can in the master bathroom and he brightened up like he knew what to do. I should have known that only meant he now knew he was holding some kind of garbage can.
I went back to making dinner, and it wasn't until much later that I went back to the bathroom to discover he had mounted the mystery can up near eye level on the wall next to the medicine cabinet. The obvious place for a garbage can only big enough to put his used q-tips in. It was then that I realized, men don't have little garbage cans in every stall of their bathrooms. He had never seen one of these peculiar little fixtures before. Sure it was cool, but he couldn't imagine what it was for.
He still doesn't understand why I find this so funny, but I'm leaving it up there. By the time I decide I need to escape to the back bathroom, I'm usually in need of a good laugh. It's not his fault. It's mine for assuming. It's a little reminder of how important it is to communicate clearly and not to assume things that are obvious to you are obvious to everyone, especially across the gender gap.
It also makes me wonder what use men would put a little fold down purse shelf to, if they ever came in contact with one.
Girls have some unique objects in their restrooms too, but they're not so obvious, and boys are mystified by them.
My dad builds in retail stores and occasionally brings extra or removed fixtures home because he can't bear to throw them in a dumpster. I love to use commercial fixtures in my home for their aesthetic and practicality. I picked up a little stall mountable garbage can off his workbench a few weeks ago and asked if I could use it in my bathroom at home. He looked at me with the glint in his eye of someone who knows a secret and said,"Do you know what that is?". This should have been my first clue. Of course I know what that is. It's the little garbage can mounted next the toilet in a bathroom stall for disposing of your feminine products.
He granted my request and I took said object home for my master bath. At last, a garbage can that hides beside the toilet and doesn't sit on the floor getting gross and/or rusty!
Usually, I pull out my own battery operated screw driver for these kind of projects. When I'm busy, and do hand them off to my husband, I usually specify exactly where I want things mounted. But this is just a little garbage can. There's only one obvious place for it and an inch or two either direction is not gonna matter, right?
My husband looked at me a little confused when I handed him the box. This should have been my second clue. I asked him to mount this garbage can in the master bathroom and he brightened up like he knew what to do. I should have known that only meant he now knew he was holding some kind of garbage can.
I went back to making dinner, and it wasn't until much later that I went back to the bathroom to discover he had mounted the mystery can up near eye level on the wall next to the medicine cabinet. The obvious place for a garbage can only big enough to put his used q-tips in. It was then that I realized, men don't have little garbage cans in every stall of their bathrooms. He had never seen one of these peculiar little fixtures before. Sure it was cool, but he couldn't imagine what it was for.
He still doesn't understand why I find this so funny, but I'm leaving it up there. By the time I decide I need to escape to the back bathroom, I'm usually in need of a good laugh. It's not his fault. It's mine for assuming. It's a little reminder of how important it is to communicate clearly and not to assume things that are obvious to you are obvious to everyone, especially across the gender gap.
It also makes me wonder what use men would put a little fold down purse shelf to, if they ever came in contact with one.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
You Are Awesome
I've observed over the years that people usually become what those around them tell them they are. Men especially seem to become what the important women in their lives tell them they are.
I love that my husband's mother told him he was capable, honest, and smart, before his character was fully formed. That he could do his own dishes and laundry before he ever had. That he was a good cook when he made his first can of Campbells soup. I love that my daughters tell him he's a great dad and compete to get the first hug when he comes home from work, even though he thought he just wanted to crawl into bed. That he has strong shoulders when they want to be carried. I'm glad that I told him he was gentle, and kind, and hard working, when I could only see the promise of those things in his 21 year old character. He has become all those things and more.
It's so easy to see each other's flaws, but pointing them out doesn't help. It's harder to see the potential for greatness. Look hard, then call it out. Your words are powerful. Tell your husband what you see him becoming. Dont sit around with the gossipers complaining about your man. It's much more fun to tell his exploits. Use "I love it when you..." often in your conversations with him. My husband isn't great at buying gifts, but I'm not going to tell you about his failures. Instead of gifts he now writes love letters for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Jealous yet?
You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them. Try, "you're so much better than what you just did. I know you're going to make that right." Try it with your kids. Tell me how it works out.
I love that my husband's mother told him he was capable, honest, and smart, before his character was fully formed. That he could do his own dishes and laundry before he ever had. That he was a good cook when he made his first can of Campbells soup. I love that my daughters tell him he's a great dad and compete to get the first hug when he comes home from work, even though he thought he just wanted to crawl into bed. That he has strong shoulders when they want to be carried. I'm glad that I told him he was gentle, and kind, and hard working, when I could only see the promise of those things in his 21 year old character. He has become all those things and more.
It's so easy to see each other's flaws, but pointing them out doesn't help. It's harder to see the potential for greatness. Look hard, then call it out. Your words are powerful. Tell your husband what you see him becoming. Dont sit around with the gossipers complaining about your man. It's much more fun to tell his exploits. Use "I love it when you..." often in your conversations with him. My husband isn't great at buying gifts, but I'm not going to tell you about his failures. Instead of gifts he now writes love letters for birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Jealous yet?
You can't change other people, but you can change how you respond to them. Try, "you're so much better than what you just did. I know you're going to make that right." Try it with your kids. Tell me how it works out.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Quick Tip: Garlic Oil
If the thought of spraying pesticides on your kids all summer is as repugnant to you as it is to me, then try this alternative to keep the insects at bay. Once a day garlic oil supplements make you taste bad to the little biters. The effect is cumulative so it may take a few days to be effective. If you start smelling like garlic to everybody, it may be time to back it off to every other day.
Odorless garlic supplements don't seem to be as effective as basic garlic oil. They're not as cheap either. This strategy is particularly effective with mosquitos and fleas, though I haven't seen any bites at all since we started this spring.
The little ones are reluctant to take pills, and I don't force them, but an itchy hide eventually motivates them.
If only there were such an easy, healthy solution to smearing chemical laden sunblock on them.
Odorless garlic supplements don't seem to be as effective as basic garlic oil. They're not as cheap either. This strategy is particularly effective with mosquitos and fleas, though I haven't seen any bites at all since we started this spring.
The little ones are reluctant to take pills, and I don't force them, but an itchy hide eventually motivates them.
If only there were such an easy, healthy solution to smearing chemical laden sunblock on them.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Bowling Beauty
Our first foray into the bowling alley was a great success. Two games were plenty, and took the five of us about two hours to play. Playing on a bumper lane was a nice change since I'm still a gutter ball every other time kind of girl. I did manage two strikes but my oldest won with a series of spares, or were they pickups?
I love this freebowlingforkids.com deal. I also just ordered shoes from Amazon.com so I won't have to shell out $18.75, every time we go, on rental shoes.
The girls decided that we would all wear lime green shirts and jeans so we looked like a team, and the five year old amped up the cute factor with a pink sparkly tutu over her jeans. She nearly won the first game. She may not roll hard, but the between the legs roll puts em out pretty straight. She also made whole body expressive reactions to each result. Watching her stand at the end of the lane and tap her foot impatiently while she waited for the ball to hit the pins was half the fun. The seven year old did a running roll reminiscent of Adam Sandler's golf swing, but less effective. The ten year old had the lowest scores but also the fewest hits on the gutter guards, so I assured her she would have won had they not been in place.
Their distinct personalities come through in everything we do. It's mind boggling to me how much of that must be born in them. When you have only one or two children it's easy to think their behavior is a result of your excellent, or inept, parenting. Have a few more kids and you discover it had so much less to do with you than you thought. It will take you down a notch if your first was easy, and encourage you if your first was hard.
Bowling is definitely an activity I would recommend. They did get a little bored near the end because they had to wait so long for each turn. Smaller groups would probably be advisable, or bring a backup activity they can do during the wait. Mad Libs should do nicely, or a sketch book to practice figure drawing for my burgeoning fashion designer.
See you at the lanes!
I love this freebowlingforkids.com deal. I also just ordered shoes from Amazon.com so I won't have to shell out $18.75, every time we go, on rental shoes.
The girls decided that we would all wear lime green shirts and jeans so we looked like a team, and the five year old amped up the cute factor with a pink sparkly tutu over her jeans. She nearly won the first game. She may not roll hard, but the between the legs roll puts em out pretty straight. She also made whole body expressive reactions to each result. Watching her stand at the end of the lane and tap her foot impatiently while she waited for the ball to hit the pins was half the fun. The seven year old did a running roll reminiscent of Adam Sandler's golf swing, but less effective. The ten year old had the lowest scores but also the fewest hits on the gutter guards, so I assured her she would have won had they not been in place.
Their distinct personalities come through in everything we do. It's mind boggling to me how much of that must be born in them. When you have only one or two children it's easy to think their behavior is a result of your excellent, or inept, parenting. Have a few more kids and you discover it had so much less to do with you than you thought. It will take you down a notch if your first was easy, and encourage you if your first was hard.
Bowling is definitely an activity I would recommend. They did get a little bored near the end because they had to wait so long for each turn. Smaller groups would probably be advisable, or bring a backup activity they can do during the wait. Mad Libs should do nicely, or a sketch book to practice figure drawing for my burgeoning fashion designer.
See you at the lanes!
Sunday, June 5, 2011
No Fear
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. - 1 John 4:18
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7
You must always do the thing you are afraid to do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A long time ago I made a rule for myself. The more afraid I feel of doing something, the more I must do it.
A few years into my marriage I had to tell my husband that there wasn't any money in our savings account, as he expected, because we were barely able to pay our bills. I was terrified. He remained calm but left for a walk right away so I knew he was upset. The next hour was incredibly tense for me. As a child I had overheard many arguments between my parents about money. Financial problems are the most commonly cited reason for divorce in America.
When he returned, to my great surprise, he apologized for leaving me to bear the burden of managing our tight finances alone. If I had given in to my fear, and tried to hide the real state of our money, I would have slowly driven a wedge between us. Because I faced my fear I learned that my husband was an even better man than I had imagined, and opened the door to positive change in our relationship.
Time after time, this kind of positive result has come from addressing my areas of fear. Because of this rule I write, I paint, my children are getting what they need in school and having fun adventures with me on their vacations. Because of this rule we bought a house in this appalling market with payments less than our rent. My automatic response to fear has become action.
At a large conference this spring, I had the opportunity for a good conversation with the woman in charge of all the volunteers. I wanted to know how she attained her position. Her answer? She decided to say yes to anything that scared her, for an entire year. It changed her life. She works for herself, is seeing success after success, and is in charge of her own life now.
Do you feel the challenge inherent in this post? How would your life change if you decided to do the things you've been afraid to do? Let's change our response to fear!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. - 2 Timothy 1:7
You must always do the thing you are afraid to do. - Eleanor Roosevelt
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
A long time ago I made a rule for myself. The more afraid I feel of doing something, the more I must do it.
A few years into my marriage I had to tell my husband that there wasn't any money in our savings account, as he expected, because we were barely able to pay our bills. I was terrified. He remained calm but left for a walk right away so I knew he was upset. The next hour was incredibly tense for me. As a child I had overheard many arguments between my parents about money. Financial problems are the most commonly cited reason for divorce in America.
When he returned, to my great surprise, he apologized for leaving me to bear the burden of managing our tight finances alone. If I had given in to my fear, and tried to hide the real state of our money, I would have slowly driven a wedge between us. Because I faced my fear I learned that my husband was an even better man than I had imagined, and opened the door to positive change in our relationship.
Time after time, this kind of positive result has come from addressing my areas of fear. Because of this rule I write, I paint, my children are getting what they need in school and having fun adventures with me on their vacations. Because of this rule we bought a house in this appalling market with payments less than our rent. My automatic response to fear has become action.
At a large conference this spring, I had the opportunity for a good conversation with the woman in charge of all the volunteers. I wanted to know how she attained her position. Her answer? She decided to say yes to anything that scared her, for an entire year. It changed her life. She works for herself, is seeing success after success, and is in charge of her own life now.
Do you feel the challenge inherent in this post? How would your life change if you decided to do the things you've been afraid to do? Let's change our response to fear!
Friday, June 3, 2011
Summer Schedule
School is out, and I know one thing for sure. If I schedule nothing, we will do nothing. It's just the way things are. The bed feels too good, the toys are too handy, and the tv is too engaging. My solution? A full schedule. Sure, we want time off, but I prefer to overload the calendar with things we can do and leave some undone rather than have large blocks of time with nothing to do.
Summer camps look like so much fun. Imagine sending your children off for four hours a day of fun activities run by someone else. Then do this little equation $200 (or more) x 4 kids x 10 weeks of vacation = $8000. Feel free to substitute your own figures. I don't know any stay at home moms with that kind of money. I don't know many working moms who will make that kind of extra money during the same ten weeks. So we do what mothers have done for ages, we get creative.
Start with your local library. Summer reading programs are a great opportunity to get out of the house, meet up with friends, learn something, and keep the kids turning over their reading lists. You can also get CDs and videos at most libraries. Our local library has begun having programs for teens as well. There's no obligation to go to every event, but put the schedule on your calendar so you remember it's an option.
While you're filling out those summer reading lists at the library, make sure you fill out your downloaded copy of the summer Double Dog Dare Challenge from borders.com where reading ten books gets each kid a free book.
You can also get free ride tickets at our County Fair for reading a number of books. Look for activity and contest books from your own local fair to see what's available in your area. We enter as much as we can in the Home Arts Department of our fair to get free entrance tickets, and will spend two days there during its two week run. One day we take a Grandma we adopted and see all the exhibits and animals. The other day we get wristbands for unlimited carnival rides and meet up with cousins and friends for a wild time. Just don't put all the kids in matching red or blue shirts for easy visibility. We discovered our fair has a rule against them to discourage gang activity, as do an increasing number of other venues. Try orange, purple or green. They put the staff in yellow.
This year we're taking up bowling. Sign up at freebowlingforkids.com to get free bowling passes to your local lanes in your email all summer. Shoe rental is not included and we plan to go a lot so I'll be buying shoes. Mondays at ten I've scheduled as a regular time so we get an up and out start to our week. We'll be going one afternoon a week too, so dad can come. With kids ages five to twelve it's an option that all can enjoy.
Vacation Bible School was one of the highlights of my childhood. Many churches offer a week long VBS at no cost. The day camp format gives you a break from the kids and them an opportunity to learn what the Bible is all about through games and crafts. If you have other/no strong religious beliefs of your own, but want to give your kids the opportunity to learn about Christianity, then this is a good way to expose them to a church in a fun, no pressure setting.
Download schedules from your local roller/ice skating rinks, nearby museums, and parks and recreation departments. There are lots of things going on that don't cost a lot or require an extended commitment.
If you have your own pool or a friends' you can use, find a copy of the YMCA's Progressive Swim Instruction book (I found it used on Amazon.com) to follow and schedule regular "lessons" where you take your kids through the steps of learning to swim. This I did a few years ago with two other friends and their kids and not only began to feel a lot better about taking my kids swimming, but got nicely toned myself. Two hours twice a week in a pool is a good workout.
Some larger museums have free days once a month. They're busy, but still a lot of fun. If you go a couple of times a year, a family membership is a worthwhile investment. Not only will your family benefit, but your business keeps these important institutions going. Our nearest big museums in San Francisco define a family as two adults and their children so I shared a membership with my sister-in-law.
Simon malls have a Kidget's Club (google it) where a $5 annual membership gets your child a membership card, t-shirt, bag, monthly prizes, special monthly events, a birthday gift, and balloons every time you go to the mall. My older daughters don't need more motivation to have a good time out shopping, but the under six crowd has a much better time and can be assuaged by the free trinkets in lieu of more expensive purchases. I love the way Winnie slaps her card down on the counter like she's making a big purchase.
We may do less than half the things I've put on the schedule, but we'll never sit around the house for lack of something to do. Since I translate "I'm bored" to "please give me a job" it's the least I can do. Find your fun spots and make memories. Try something new every year. Let me know what your favorite summer activites are!
Summer camps look like so much fun. Imagine sending your children off for four hours a day of fun activities run by someone else. Then do this little equation $200 (or more) x 4 kids x 10 weeks of vacation = $8000. Feel free to substitute your own figures. I don't know any stay at home moms with that kind of money. I don't know many working moms who will make that kind of extra money during the same ten weeks. So we do what mothers have done for ages, we get creative.
Start with your local library. Summer reading programs are a great opportunity to get out of the house, meet up with friends, learn something, and keep the kids turning over their reading lists. You can also get CDs and videos at most libraries. Our local library has begun having programs for teens as well. There's no obligation to go to every event, but put the schedule on your calendar so you remember it's an option.
While you're filling out those summer reading lists at the library, make sure you fill out your downloaded copy of the summer Double Dog Dare Challenge from borders.com where reading ten books gets each kid a free book.
You can also get free ride tickets at our County Fair for reading a number of books. Look for activity and contest books from your own local fair to see what's available in your area. We enter as much as we can in the Home Arts Department of our fair to get free entrance tickets, and will spend two days there during its two week run. One day we take a Grandma we adopted and see all the exhibits and animals. The other day we get wristbands for unlimited carnival rides and meet up with cousins and friends for a wild time. Just don't put all the kids in matching red or blue shirts for easy visibility. We discovered our fair has a rule against them to discourage gang activity, as do an increasing number of other venues. Try orange, purple or green. They put the staff in yellow.
This year we're taking up bowling. Sign up at freebowlingforkids.com to get free bowling passes to your local lanes in your email all summer. Shoe rental is not included and we plan to go a lot so I'll be buying shoes. Mondays at ten I've scheduled as a regular time so we get an up and out start to our week. We'll be going one afternoon a week too, so dad can come. With kids ages five to twelve it's an option that all can enjoy.
Vacation Bible School was one of the highlights of my childhood. Many churches offer a week long VBS at no cost. The day camp format gives you a break from the kids and them an opportunity to learn what the Bible is all about through games and crafts. If you have other/no strong religious beliefs of your own, but want to give your kids the opportunity to learn about Christianity, then this is a good way to expose them to a church in a fun, no pressure setting.
Download schedules from your local roller/ice skating rinks, nearby museums, and parks and recreation departments. There are lots of things going on that don't cost a lot or require an extended commitment.
If you have your own pool or a friends' you can use, find a copy of the YMCA's Progressive Swim Instruction book (I found it used on Amazon.com) to follow and schedule regular "lessons" where you take your kids through the steps of learning to swim. This I did a few years ago with two other friends and their kids and not only began to feel a lot better about taking my kids swimming, but got nicely toned myself. Two hours twice a week in a pool is a good workout.
Some larger museums have free days once a month. They're busy, but still a lot of fun. If you go a couple of times a year, a family membership is a worthwhile investment. Not only will your family benefit, but your business keeps these important institutions going. Our nearest big museums in San Francisco define a family as two adults and their children so I shared a membership with my sister-in-law.
Simon malls have a Kidget's Club (google it) where a $5 annual membership gets your child a membership card, t-shirt, bag, monthly prizes, special monthly events, a birthday gift, and balloons every time you go to the mall. My older daughters don't need more motivation to have a good time out shopping, but the under six crowd has a much better time and can be assuaged by the free trinkets in lieu of more expensive purchases. I love the way Winnie slaps her card down on the counter like she's making a big purchase.
We may do less than half the things I've put on the schedule, but we'll never sit around the house for lack of something to do. Since I translate "I'm bored" to "please give me a job" it's the least I can do. Find your fun spots and make memories. Try something new every year. Let me know what your favorite summer activites are!
Introduction - Read First
I started this blog a year ago under a different name, wondering what I could possibly write about that would be of interest to readers. Not one to dwell on that failure, I'm moving forward today and I know what to write.
There is one passion that drives me. One area of expertise in which I feel confident expressing myself. There is a Proverb that says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." I used to wonder what kind of woman would do that. She must be horrible, easily recognized on sight. In reality, it's not so easy to spot her, and if statistics can be believed, many women are tearing their homes apart with their own hands. I'm not going to dwell on the myriad ways you can destroy your own happiness. They're all too apparent. My passion has always been to build families.
To that end, I will post my inspiration and ideas for you. Please feel free to comment and send your own successful ideas back to me. Any ideas submitted may be reproduced in this blog for the furtherance of its purpose and potentially used in any book resulting from its success. Remember to follow me on Facebook to get your regular dose of encouragement and ideas so you can be the wisest woman on the block.
There is one passion that drives me. One area of expertise in which I feel confident expressing myself. There is a Proverb that says "The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish woman tears it down with her own hands." I used to wonder what kind of woman would do that. She must be horrible, easily recognized on sight. In reality, it's not so easy to spot her, and if statistics can be believed, many women are tearing their homes apart with their own hands. I'm not going to dwell on the myriad ways you can destroy your own happiness. They're all too apparent. My passion has always been to build families.
To that end, I will post my inspiration and ideas for you. Please feel free to comment and send your own successful ideas back to me. Any ideas submitted may be reproduced in this blog for the furtherance of its purpose and potentially used in any book resulting from its success. Remember to follow me on Facebook to get your regular dose of encouragement and ideas so you can be the wisest woman on the block.
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