Sitting Pretty

After helping my husband, then boyfriend, haul all his sound and drum gear into the venue, and setting up everything I knew how to set, I asked him what else I could do to help. I was 16 and an eager follower of the band. His response? Why don't you just sit rght there and look pretty. You have no idea how much that helps!

Here's where the feminists whine and moan about such a chauvinistic request. How dare he relegate me to groupie status when I am nearly as capable as he with all that equipment. But I grew up with brothers, and I understood.

His whole experience of hard thankless work can be transformed by my presence. Suddenly, it becomes an opportunity to strut, chance to flirt shamelessly, if semi covertly. A chance to feel the strength of that invisible cord of communion that runs from somewhere in the vicinity of his heart to a similar location near mine. To practice the art of silent communication. Everything he lifts becomes lighter. Every irritation is smoothed. All because I sit there looking pretty. Not that I'm anything special in general, but I'm his Venus.

I'm not in a power struggle with the man I married. He takes care of me, and I take care of him. Our accomplishments are not the result of his abilities plus my abilities. They're the result of his abilities times mine. Since we have children, we've brought in a factor of four.

This is why the family has been the most important unit of civilization throughout history. It's also why we instinctively search out surrogate families when we move away from our family of origin. We can achieve more through relationship than we can by simply working harder or longer ourselves.

It's not just about strength or talent. The emotional lift we get from companionship is huge. Not to mention meeting the anthropological need for a mate. For men, there is also the need to strut. Nearly every species has a component of male performance before the females hard wired into them. Humans are no exception.

Men don't perform for each other. In the company of other men they lounge in front of televisions, slurp their drinks and fart to their hearts content. Add an available woman to the mix and everything changes.

Sitting isn't a natural state for me. It actually takes a good deal of effort. I'm too much of a goer. Too often we only see each other in passing as our lives fill with family obligations and work. But I take the time, and I make the effort. It's just a small way in which I honor him, because I know it's important to him. When I stop long enough, I realize I like watching him.

Don't get offended. Be sweet to your sweetheart. Let him strut for you!