My Favorite Volunteer Opportunity - Valet @ Homecoming

Why I get asked to chaperone every dance, and why I say yes.

The first time I chaperoned a high school dance was my oldest daughter’s Freshman year Homecoming. She was excited, but also nervous and wanted mom nearby. Yeah, I’m lucky like that. She disliked it immensely and didn’t attend another school dance until Prom her Senior year. But I chaperoned nearly every dance in the interim, and I’m still chaperoning every dance I can because I get asked...by the students!!!

“Why?! Why would any parent willingly subject themselves to that?” you ask. Because Homecoming, and Prom, and other school dances, are extremely vulnerable moments for teenage girls. At that first dance they asked all the chaperones to check the bathrooms frequently as they were the most troublesome locations. In our school the girls bathroom windows are low enough for contraband to get passed in and out, so they bolted them closed and the room of requirement was a hot stuffy miserable place. 

Already being “that mom,” the one with the bottomless purse equipped for every possible emergency my own daughter might face, I grabbed a chair and set up camp in that bathroom so the windows could be opened and the girls could have a refuge in times of crisis. That first dance I mended three dresses, passed out breath mints, supplied bandaids for heels, hair ties for ponytails, and tampons for the unfortunate. I also kept the toilets flushed, and plunged occasionally, and the counters clean so the janitors didn’t have to come in and close the entire bathroom for half an hour to do it. I comforted a girl whose boyfriend was an ass, gave a granola bar to a girl who was feeling ill, and helped with a number of selfies. 

In the following days word got back to me through the PTA that some girls were talking about this awesome mom in the bathroom that had everything to fix every problem, and they wanted to know who she was so they could ask her to come to the next dance. Yup, I was the awesome mom. Much to my surprise, no one else has volunteered to be valet/hero of the girls bathroom in the last five years. But my second daughter only has one more year and my third will start at another high school next year. While the other chaperones are supervising doors in a stinky sweaty noisy gym, I’m sitting in a cool quiet restroom reading between crises. This is the prime spot and this is your opportunity to be the awesome mom! 

As moms we spend an enormous amount of time and effort trying to instill confidence in our daughters. When they’re getting ready for a school dance they are putting themselves out there in a big way. They invest time and money in their appearance and they build it up in their minds as a high point in their high school experience. Unfortunately, many of them have never worn a formal dress before, or the requisite undergarments. They don’t know how fragile some of these styles are. Some are trying makeup or hairstyles for the first time. With so much emotion and social capital invested in this event, one tiny error in planning can devolve into a complete meltdown that leaves major scars on their precarious developing self-confidence. Most of them don’t want their own mom sitting in the wings, but when something goes wrong they really appreciate a mom/fairy godmother that can step in and fix it. 

The cheerleaders plan Homecoming and their coach asks me every time on their behalf. Student Government plans Prom on they get their teacher to ask. And every time, regardless of which dance, the Principal double checks that I’ve been asked and I’m coming. The entire drama level has diminished with me sitting in the bathroom. They don’t have meltdowns to deal with anymore. No one leaves the dances crying. Sometimes, the position no one even imagined before is the one that makes all the difference

That’s why I say, “yes,” again and again. Because even though my daughters aren’t big on school dances, they’re out doing their own different things, and I hope and trust there will be another mom hanging around to rescue them when something goes wrong with their carefully laid plans. In that spirit of the village I come. Because a sewing kit at the right moment is worth a thousand hours of encouraging talk. Because boys can be stupid and break hearts and sometimes peers aren’t the best counsel in that moment. Because walking out of the bathroom with your skirt tucked in your underwear is the end of the world at 16. 

My husband encouraged me to write this as I was packing my basket for a dance tonight. Specifically to share my list of all the things in my basket and why they’re there so you can be the fairy godmother, the valet/chaperone/hero, at your school. You can be the awesome mom!  Here it is:

Sewing kit. Just a hotel freebie one. Because the thread in vintage dresses weakens over time, and rhinestone straps don’t always hold up when twerking. This includes needles, thread, buttons, safety pins. 

Scissors. If you can’t sew it up, sometimes you can cut it off. Also, needed for snipping threads. 

Paper clips. A good way to turn a standard bra into a T back. 

Nail files and orange sticks. Disposable for sanitary reasons. 

Nail clippers. 

Clear nail polish. For nails and nylons. 

Eye makeup remover. Because it’s better gone than runny. 

Cotton pads and q-tips. 

Eyelash glue. Because they asked. 

Makeup remover wipes. Because she put makeup on for the first time at moms house and is going home to dad’s after.  

New combs. They can keep them or I’ll sanitize before the next dance. I buy assorted packs at the dollar store because there are many different hair types.

Hair spray, cheap but decent and pump style, not aerosol. Small spaces don’t mix with aerosol sprays of any kind. 

Hair pins in dark and light colors, hair ties, headbands. From the dollar store. They can keep. 

Handheld mirror. For checking the back of their hair. 

Neutral colored grosgrain ribbon. Works for hair or dress repair improvisation. 

Pads and tampons because someone will be surprised or forget. 

Bandaids. For cuts and scrapes, but also blisters and high heels that cut into Achilles’ tendons. 

Spray deodorant. Most popular item. Spray for sanity reasons. A good pump spray essential oil based brand because you don’t want them using a cheap aerosol in a closed space. 

Hand lotion. Hotel freebie. 

Perfume. A nice light Victoria Secret coconut based perfume that I like, so they’re not borrowing each other’s awful strong scents. Sometimes I bring a citrus based one too, but they almost all love the coconut. 

Hand sanitizer. Because some kids prefer it and alcohol takes off adhesives/sticky stuff. 

Hand soap. Because they’re using the staff restroom for dances and even when the janitors have fully stocked it, there’s not enough. Plus a pretty new bottle makes them feel special. I leave the bottles for the teachers, who’ve expressed their appreciation. 

Wipes. For my hands, for the floor, for whatever. 

Lansinoh. Because it soothes rough skin but also makes a nice lip balm that’s safe to share because I can squeeze it out onto fingers.  One tube lasts forever. 

Melaleuca sports drink powder packets, a water bottle for mixing, and small Dixie cups. Electrolytes and vitamins B for when they’ve overdone it and come in nauseated. I use these myself and first brought them for me. But they’ve proven to be handy. 

Granola bars and sometimes an orange. Low blood sugar caught early is a major crisis averted. These I always have on hand for my own kids so I throw a couple in my basket. 

Mints/gum. Teens can be super sensitive about bad breath and it’s cheap. 

Chocolates. Because they’re magic in an emotional crisis. And after dementors. 

Toothbrush and toothpaste. Kept from a hotel I go to an annual conference at. 

Shoe polishing brush. Also from the hotel. 

Cell phone chargers and power strip. Especially at Prom because they’re taking pictures that they’ll look back on forever and if their battery dies before their after-plans they could be at the mercy of their date. I let them leave their phones with me and to get them back they have to unlock them in front of me so I know it’s theirs. 

Comfortable lawn chair. Because folding chairs are not meant to be sat on for four hours. 

Lap blanket. Mostly for me, but I’ll give it up if it’s needed. 

A lovely large beverage and snack. It’s four hours and I don’t split a shift like most of the chaperones. 

Not advertised but in reserve:

Tylenol & Motrin. I’m not a school employee and teenagers are old enough to know when they need it. I always check that they’ve called their parents and have a plan besides pop some pills and get back to the dance floor. 

Condoms. Yup. If they’re in the bathroom asking a friend and I hear it, I’m gonna make sure they get one because they’re already planning to have sex, I’d rather they not trust whatever plan their boyfriend came up with. If I can have a conversation with them about their decision I may, but this is not a moment to preach. 

That’s how it is most of the time, one girl asks another if she has something and while they try to come up with a make do solution, I offer whatever they need. As soon as I hear that distressed tone of voice I can offer a solution. Sometimes someone asks me why I’m there and I tell them I’m there so we can open the window and to help with any crisis that arises. Word spreads and they start coming to me directly. It took one dance for word to get out and the requests to come in. They know my name now and whose mom I am, and they thank me for coming. My daughter rolls her eyes as she tells me more people on campus know me than her, but she does it with that twinkle in her eye that tells me she’s proud to be my daughter, and wants to be a woman who cares and takes action to solve problems too. 

I do a lot of volunteering in my kids schools, but I feel like these four hours a couple times a year have a more direct and meaningful impact than anything else. A minor fix can make anyone’s day and it’s especially rewarding to catch the occasional girl at the precipice of devastation, turn her around, and send her back out smiling.