About a fourteen years ago, when I was pregnant wth my first daughter, I caught a rerun of the Oprah Winfrey Show that had a real impact on me. Interviewed were two women who had done significant research into the backgrounds of highly successful women, and written a book about it. I don't remember their names, or the name of the book. I do remember them talking about their research and a few of the common traits they found. One was that most of the highly successful women were early readers. Others factors were like that, things that seemed not so much externally influenced.
One significant factor they uncovered was external. This is what etched itself on my memory. The most important thing you can do to raise successful daughters is to be successful yourself. That doesn't mean you have to make a lot of money or be at the top of your field. That means, whatever you decide to do, do it well. Make up your mind to pursue something, and pursue it. Your example is more important than anything else in determining the level of success your daughters will achieve.
The driving force in my mother's life was to be an excellent wife and mother. She cooked five meals a day, kept her house clean and laundry done, knew what was going on in her children's lives, and not only raised her own five well adjusted kids, but half a dozen others that landed on her doorstep over the years. She thrived on this and did not have outside ambitions to distract her from it. She was so successful that today many young mothers look to her for wisdom to apply to their own situations. My parents have found themselves counseling couples on the brink of divorce, and bringing them back into a healthy relationship. Wise counsel flows naturally out of their own struggles and experiences. Being raised in their home was like serving an apprenticeship in building a family.
The goals I have are a little different from my mother's. I care about being a good wife and mother, but it's not the only ambition that adds enthusiasm and purpose to my life. I'm not going to iron my kids blue jeans, and I can live with a slightly messier house. My passion is writing, and extending that love for family building outside of my own household. That's why I write this blog. When I get discouraged, I remind myself that if I move forward toward my goals even a little bit every day, I am doing the best thing I can to raise my daughters to achieve success in their own lives. What I might not do for myself, I am willing to do for my children.
So often we think of success in terms of our big dreams. My mom dreamed of running an orphanage, caring for hundreds of children instead of just a few. She's still pursuing that dream by supporting missions work overseas. I dream of changing the way displaced children are cared for in America. Of curbing the trauma often inflicted by our overburdened foster care system. Of putting the needed resources into the hands of young couples who have the passion and energy to raise families of hard to place children. That's too far off to be the thing I measure my success against, but it's still out there as the point on my horizon where my heart's compass directs me. The four lovely girls I am raising, dream of rescuing the orphans of India and Africa. Each generation is dreaming bigger. It gets me excited about their futures.
When we pursue something, we lay a track towards it that may never go all the way, but others will come behind, and ride the rails to their end, and begin to lay more track, until the dreams we thought impossible are achieved. That is how success flows from mother to child. That is how we have hope for our dreams. This is why I have to pick myself up when I get discouraged and lay another peice of track. I won't be the one to halt construction on a better future for my children, and for the world they will live in.
Maybe your mother wasn't successful. Half of my generation has divorced parents. I remember an article in my daughter's Teen Vogue about the pressure teens are under, taking care of irresponsible parents who refuse to grow up. You don't have to achieve something great in your life to be successful. You just have to lay the first tracks. Set your heart toward that thing out on the horizon
that calls to it, figure out a place on that path you can reasonably achieve, then move one small step in that direction. When your passion isn't enough to keep you going, here's your backup motivation; your success is a gift you pass on to your children, no matter what course you pursue.
One significant factor they uncovered was external. This is what etched itself on my memory. The most important thing you can do to raise successful daughters is to be successful yourself. That doesn't mean you have to make a lot of money or be at the top of your field. That means, whatever you decide to do, do it well. Make up your mind to pursue something, and pursue it. Your example is more important than anything else in determining the level of success your daughters will achieve.
The driving force in my mother's life was to be an excellent wife and mother. She cooked five meals a day, kept her house clean and laundry done, knew what was going on in her children's lives, and not only raised her own five well adjusted kids, but half a dozen others that landed on her doorstep over the years. She thrived on this and did not have outside ambitions to distract her from it. She was so successful that today many young mothers look to her for wisdom to apply to their own situations. My parents have found themselves counseling couples on the brink of divorce, and bringing them back into a healthy relationship. Wise counsel flows naturally out of their own struggles and experiences. Being raised in their home was like serving an apprenticeship in building a family.
The goals I have are a little different from my mother's. I care about being a good wife and mother, but it's not the only ambition that adds enthusiasm and purpose to my life. I'm not going to iron my kids blue jeans, and I can live with a slightly messier house. My passion is writing, and extending that love for family building outside of my own household. That's why I write this blog. When I get discouraged, I remind myself that if I move forward toward my goals even a little bit every day, I am doing the best thing I can to raise my daughters to achieve success in their own lives. What I might not do for myself, I am willing to do for my children.
So often we think of success in terms of our big dreams. My mom dreamed of running an orphanage, caring for hundreds of children instead of just a few. She's still pursuing that dream by supporting missions work overseas. I dream of changing the way displaced children are cared for in America. Of curbing the trauma often inflicted by our overburdened foster care system. Of putting the needed resources into the hands of young couples who have the passion and energy to raise families of hard to place children. That's too far off to be the thing I measure my success against, but it's still out there as the point on my horizon where my heart's compass directs me. The four lovely girls I am raising, dream of rescuing the orphans of India and Africa. Each generation is dreaming bigger. It gets me excited about their futures.
When we pursue something, we lay a track towards it that may never go all the way, but others will come behind, and ride the rails to their end, and begin to lay more track, until the dreams we thought impossible are achieved. That is how success flows from mother to child. That is how we have hope for our dreams. This is why I have to pick myself up when I get discouraged and lay another peice of track. I won't be the one to halt construction on a better future for my children, and for the world they will live in.
Maybe your mother wasn't successful. Half of my generation has divorced parents. I remember an article in my daughter's Teen Vogue about the pressure teens are under, taking care of irresponsible parents who refuse to grow up. You don't have to achieve something great in your life to be successful. You just have to lay the first tracks. Set your heart toward that thing out on the horizon
that calls to it, figure out a place on that path you can reasonably achieve, then move one small step in that direction. When your passion isn't enough to keep you going, here's your backup motivation; your success is a gift you pass on to your children, no matter what course you pursue.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Talk back. I'm a mom. I can handle it.