This post will inevitably contain TMI. That's just how it is with me. I try to be brief and not bore people with my enthusiastic recounting of the details of my life, and all the interesting things I've learned, but I know I fail. After a great deal of personal reflection, I've decided I don't care. There are reasons I over-share, and they're good reasons. Perhaps an explanation will help the rest of you have a little sympathy, and maybe a little grace, for the over-sharers of the world.
1) My parents don't speak the same language. It sounds like English is coming out of both of their mouths, but I assure you that interpretation is always required. The simplest way to describe it is to say that my dad is a PC and my mom is a Mac. This digital difference is really just an extension of a deeper communication difference. As I grew up in their house, I'm "bilingual." I listened to them argue endlessly about things they agreed on, because they each expressed it differently.
Because I understand that two people can hear the same thing differently, I always feel obliged to offer lengthy detailed explanations that I'm hoping will cover every possible interpretation. This is especially the case with instructions. People who get things easily often make fun of lengthy detailed instructions, but people that write them have to explain it for the most confused and frustrated possible reader. Thorough instructions at the outset alleviate mistakes and calls for help in the end.
2) My family is also Pentecostal, and two ideas from the Bible made a strong impression on me as a child. They undoubtedly contribute to my problem with over-sharing. First, God is omnipresent, and omniscient. He sees and knows everything I do and think. Second, there is a verse in the Bible that says everything that is secret will be revealed and everything that is done in private will be shouted from the rooftops.
I'm neither surprised nor bothered by government surveillance. I've never lived with the idea of privacy. In my way of thinking, everything I do is already known and may someday be broadcast. In a way, these ideas have better prepared me for the inevitable and quickly coming end of all privacy. But, because I've already thought of whether I'd be okay with the world knowing what I'm doing and thinking, before I choose to do or think a certain thing, I probably censor myself less when later sharing my life experiences with others.
3) My hometown is on an isolated island in Alaska, and even among my small group of peers I was an oddity. So, my early childhood was spent in a very internal disconnected way. As I reached my teens and became more aware of the world, I made a conscious choice to push myself out into it.
I didn't understand all the social subtleties, and I thoroughly pissed off my older brother by recounting his life to his friends...and possibly a few random strangers. But I was so desperate to connect to real people (as opposed to fictional people) that I didn't think of his discomfort at the time. His life was so much more interesting to talk about than mine. He was cool.
Now that I'm a lot older, I see many people who feel depressed and disconnected. They're afraid, and hide their real selves in silence. They wish they had someone to talk to, but are embarrassed to speak. We can't connect if we don't communicate. That doesn't always mean talking, but talking is a good place to start. Not everyone will want to reciprocate my efforts at connecting, but I'll never find the ones that do if I don't open up my mouth. I like people. I think they're mostly interesting. And there are people in this world who like what I have to say and want to enter into a conversation with me. Finding them is worth annoying a few who don't.
4) When I was in my early 20s I did presentations in schools for an abstinence based sex education program. I was motivated by the complete uselessness of all the many hours of sex ed I received in school. It starts in fourth grade and in high school they spend an entire year on it, but when I got married I discovered how irrelevant most of it was, and how much important information had been overlooked. I got comfortable talking about this subject with teenagers. I also went on to become a certified doula and now feel completely comfortable talking about all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding.
There are a lot of things wrong with what Americans believe about all of these subjects, but these wrong ideas persist because we don't talk about them. What women have shared for thousands of years, what made them strong, has become a taboo subject in the modern age. I believe we will only experience true liberation and strength as women when we become willing to talk to each other about these important subjects again. We will experience more equality in our relationships with men when we don't feel ashamed about, or inferior in, our own bodies. We have the freedom to speak. This is a super power.
5) Parents are often the worst over-sharers and parenthood has given me so much more to tell you about than you could possibly want to hear. But among parents, sharing is often the only vent we have for our frustrations with a life that we could never have fully anticipated. We share the good and the bad because both are so overwhelming they push the boundaries of our comprehension. We want to know that others have shared our experiences and survived. And we can always use sympathy, and fresh ideas for dealing with old problems. I love to hear what others are doing.
We also want to celebrate our kids' achievements, not because we view them as our achievements, but because we've shared their struggles. It's the same reason everyone talks about an Olympic athlete who wins gold after sustaining an injury. We witnessed the pain, felt deep empathy with it, therefore, we can't help our excitement over the triumph. Only, the rest of you weren't watching our kids struggle, so it's hard to share our enthusiasm.
6) That we celebrate the achievements of others is one of the most beautiful things about my family. No one is diminished by the success of someone else. We live in a competitive and critical world. We judge everything from movies to clothes, to melons in the grocery store. I think we feel all that criticism lingering in the air. We're all hungry for words of affirmation. Our mothers' admonishments, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," aren't enough. We should admonish our children, "if you think something good about someone, say it!" In this area, I'm trying to share more. I want to tell people when I've been thinking of them, how I admire them, what I appreciate about them. This can make some people uncomfortable, because they've gotten used to a lesser view of themselves. They try to deflect praise. "Thank you," and, "I know," are both perfectly acceptable responses IMO.
7) The more of the world I've seen, the more I've come to realize that, there are more ways to live a happy life than anyone can count. I'm interested in hearing about how others live, the choices they've made in life, why they've made them, and how that has affected their view of the world. Because I'm interested in hearing about all the details of others lives, I suspect there are others who must be interested in hearing about my life. I don't want to gossip. I'm just fascinated by how different we all are, and how, in spite of vast differences, some things about us can be the same. I'm perpetually examining my own motivations and results, and assume others are too. Though I've discovered that assumption isn't true in general, there are exceptions to be found and I'm on the hunt for them.
That's why I'll probably continue to over-share, even though I'll keep trying to be brief. In the end, it won't matter much whether I've succeeded or failed. I'm living my own personal version of a happy life and don't have time to worry about what other people are thinking of me. Especially since they probably aren't.
1) My parents don't speak the same language. It sounds like English is coming out of both of their mouths, but I assure you that interpretation is always required. The simplest way to describe it is to say that my dad is a PC and my mom is a Mac. This digital difference is really just an extension of a deeper communication difference. As I grew up in their house, I'm "bilingual." I listened to them argue endlessly about things they agreed on, because they each expressed it differently.
Because I understand that two people can hear the same thing differently, I always feel obliged to offer lengthy detailed explanations that I'm hoping will cover every possible interpretation. This is especially the case with instructions. People who get things easily often make fun of lengthy detailed instructions, but people that write them have to explain it for the most confused and frustrated possible reader. Thorough instructions at the outset alleviate mistakes and calls for help in the end.
2) My family is also Pentecostal, and two ideas from the Bible made a strong impression on me as a child. They undoubtedly contribute to my problem with over-sharing. First, God is omnipresent, and omniscient. He sees and knows everything I do and think. Second, there is a verse in the Bible that says everything that is secret will be revealed and everything that is done in private will be shouted from the rooftops.
I'm neither surprised nor bothered by government surveillance. I've never lived with the idea of privacy. In my way of thinking, everything I do is already known and may someday be broadcast. In a way, these ideas have better prepared me for the inevitable and quickly coming end of all privacy. But, because I've already thought of whether I'd be okay with the world knowing what I'm doing and thinking, before I choose to do or think a certain thing, I probably censor myself less when later sharing my life experiences with others.
3) My hometown is on an isolated island in Alaska, and even among my small group of peers I was an oddity. So, my early childhood was spent in a very internal disconnected way. As I reached my teens and became more aware of the world, I made a conscious choice to push myself out into it.
I didn't understand all the social subtleties, and I thoroughly pissed off my older brother by recounting his life to his friends...and possibly a few random strangers. But I was so desperate to connect to real people (as opposed to fictional people) that I didn't think of his discomfort at the time. His life was so much more interesting to talk about than mine. He was cool.
Now that I'm a lot older, I see many people who feel depressed and disconnected. They're afraid, and hide their real selves in silence. They wish they had someone to talk to, but are embarrassed to speak. We can't connect if we don't communicate. That doesn't always mean talking, but talking is a good place to start. Not everyone will want to reciprocate my efforts at connecting, but I'll never find the ones that do if I don't open up my mouth. I like people. I think they're mostly interesting. And there are people in this world who like what I have to say and want to enter into a conversation with me. Finding them is worth annoying a few who don't.
4) When I was in my early 20s I did presentations in schools for an abstinence based sex education program. I was motivated by the complete uselessness of all the many hours of sex ed I received in school. It starts in fourth grade and in high school they spend an entire year on it, but when I got married I discovered how irrelevant most of it was, and how much important information had been overlooked. I got comfortable talking about this subject with teenagers. I also went on to become a certified doula and now feel completely comfortable talking about all aspects of pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding.
There are a lot of things wrong with what Americans believe about all of these subjects, but these wrong ideas persist because we don't talk about them. What women have shared for thousands of years, what made them strong, has become a taboo subject in the modern age. I believe we will only experience true liberation and strength as women when we become willing to talk to each other about these important subjects again. We will experience more equality in our relationships with men when we don't feel ashamed about, or inferior in, our own bodies. We have the freedom to speak. This is a super power.
5) Parents are often the worst over-sharers and parenthood has given me so much more to tell you about than you could possibly want to hear. But among parents, sharing is often the only vent we have for our frustrations with a life that we could never have fully anticipated. We share the good and the bad because both are so overwhelming they push the boundaries of our comprehension. We want to know that others have shared our experiences and survived. And we can always use sympathy, and fresh ideas for dealing with old problems. I love to hear what others are doing.
We also want to celebrate our kids' achievements, not because we view them as our achievements, but because we've shared their struggles. It's the same reason everyone talks about an Olympic athlete who wins gold after sustaining an injury. We witnessed the pain, felt deep empathy with it, therefore, we can't help our excitement over the triumph. Only, the rest of you weren't watching our kids struggle, so it's hard to share our enthusiasm.
6) That we celebrate the achievements of others is one of the most beautiful things about my family. No one is diminished by the success of someone else. We live in a competitive and critical world. We judge everything from movies to clothes, to melons in the grocery store. I think we feel all that criticism lingering in the air. We're all hungry for words of affirmation. Our mothers' admonishments, "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all," aren't enough. We should admonish our children, "if you think something good about someone, say it!" In this area, I'm trying to share more. I want to tell people when I've been thinking of them, how I admire them, what I appreciate about them. This can make some people uncomfortable, because they've gotten used to a lesser view of themselves. They try to deflect praise. "Thank you," and, "I know," are both perfectly acceptable responses IMO.
7) The more of the world I've seen, the more I've come to realize that, there are more ways to live a happy life than anyone can count. I'm interested in hearing about how others live, the choices they've made in life, why they've made them, and how that has affected their view of the world. Because I'm interested in hearing about all the details of others lives, I suspect there are others who must be interested in hearing about my life. I don't want to gossip. I'm just fascinated by how different we all are, and how, in spite of vast differences, some things about us can be the same. I'm perpetually examining my own motivations and results, and assume others are too. Though I've discovered that assumption isn't true in general, there are exceptions to be found and I'm on the hunt for them.
That's why I'll probably continue to over-share, even though I'll keep trying to be brief. In the end, it won't matter much whether I've succeeded or failed. I'm living my own personal version of a happy life and don't have time to worry about what other people are thinking of me. Especially since they probably aren't.
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